Chrysalis

Chapter 19

Draco found himself awake far earlier than he would have liked the next morning, but finally stumbled out of bed and began to dress after at least an hour of tossing and turning. The sky was beginning to lighten, so he figured he might as well give up, anyway.

He found Remus in the hallway, making his way to the kitchen. Upon seeing Draco, he smiled. "Merry Christmas, Draco. Couldn't sleep?"

Draco shook his head. All night he'd been lost in dreams of Harry. At first things were normal, but then they would shift. Some were pleasant enough: Harry leading Draco to his room, and sharing a kiss to die for, or more; Harry returning to his room to tell him he'd changed his mind; even one erotic dream where Harry had rubbed him until he'd gained release. But some weren't nearly so pleasant. Like the one that had shaken him awake at last, where Harry told him that his opinion of him really hadn't changed since they'd first met, and that now that he was grown, he never wanted to see Draco again.

"Ah," Remus said. "Well, a good breakfast should help. Would you like to help? I've got a recipe my mother used to make when I was a kid that I thought I'd share with everyone this morning. Get us feeling a bit festive for Christmas morning. Maybe make a bit of peppermint cocoa."

"Sure." Draco followed him into the kitchen, and Remus showed him the recipe—just eggs, flour, milk and a bit of salt—which they mixed in two batches while skillets heated in the now-warming oven. Once the temperature in the oven was warm enough, they poured the mixes into the skillets, and put them into the oven to cook. Draco set to making some bacon and cocoa while Remus went to wake Harry and Lucius. Things almost felt normal.

When Harry entered the kitchen, Draco couldn't help but tense up. He didn't want Harry angry at him, and he was worried that maybe he had pushed things just a bit too far last night. But Harry just moved to the table and began setting it while Draco finished off the bacon, and pulled breakfast from the oven.

Remus and Lucius entered then, and Remus took over the division of the dish they'd made. The mixture had curled up the sides of the pan, and left a crater in the centre of each to be filled with whatever they wanted. "Mum usually just served it with a bit of butter, some lemon juice, and a sprinkle of powdered sugar," Remus said. "Could you grab all that while I serve, Draco?"

Draco nodded and went to retrieve the things Remus had mentioned. It looked like an odd breakfast, but once he settled down and took the first bite (a feat in itself, as the thing was so thin and wide), he was rather surprised at how good it was for such a simple recipe. "It's very good," he smiled at Remus.

"Thank you, Draco. I've missed having them myself. Never seemed to be somewhere I could make one on Christmas day, most years." He took a bite, his eyes closed in pleasure.

"What's it called?" Harry asked curiously.

"Mother called it something like 'Pannekock,' I think. I've seen it mentioned elsewhere as a German Pancake, though."

"Was your mother German?"

"I think there's a bit of the Dutch on that side of my ancestry, actually."

Harry smiled, but Draco could see that it didn't quite reach his eyes. He only wished he knew some way of cheering Harry up. Still, better to keep quiet for now. Maybe after they opened the rest of their presents, Harry'd be in a slightly better mood.

Once they'd finished eating, Remus and Lucius cleared the table—to a chorus of Lucius's complaints about being treated like a house elf, and Harry asked Draco to come into the den for a moment before they opened their presents. Draco followed him quietly, and waited for him to speak.

"Look, I thought about this a lot last night, Draco. I realize I never mentioned my feelings. But they were my feelings, and private, and I figured you wouldn't care, or worse, it would upset you and make you pull away from me." Draco tried to say that wasn't the case, but Harry interrupted before he could get more than a syllable out. "I know, you didn't. But...I've known you for eight years, Draco. You always react in extreme ways. Even now that we're friends. And..." he swallowed before continuing, "I really didn't want to risk that. I'd rather just stay friends than lose it forever because I was stupid, okay?"