Battered, Tattered, and Bullied

Chapter 6: Just Die Already

TRIGGER WARNING

I opened my eyes groggily, light shining on top of me.

    "Can someone turn off the light?" I croaked, the voice barely coming out of me.

    Suddenly, a nurse ran in. "Oh, honey you're awake again!"

    No kidding, lady, "What happened?"

    "You passed out."

    "Oh, can I get some water?"

    "Sure."

    She went out, leaving me in a hospital bed. Scrambling to her feet, she gave me the glass and I drank, eagerly.

    "So can I leave now?"

    "Well, I'll have to sign some papers and then you can be on your way." She explained.

    A few minutes later, I was allowed to go back to the part of the hospital where Kade was staying at. I walked into the hallway, "Mom?"

    "Oh, dear, are you okay? I don't want two of my babies in the hospital."

    "Yeah, I'm fine. Otherwise, they wouldn't have let me out." I laughed, knowing that if I just died, it would be selfish.

    "Oh, and the doctors said that we give him the medicine or the surgery." She paused, "We decided to give him surgery so that they can take it out."

    "You what?" I was appalled, that surgery only had a 30% survival rate. Especially when it came to a little five year old boy.

"We have no other choice, the medicine is barely tested and has a lot of harsh chemicals that are harmful for adults, so how could we give poison to him?"

"I guess." I monotoned. "When are they letting him go?

"Right now, but the doctor said to schedule a surgery in the next three weeks or it might grow."

"Right." I nodded, the pungent scent of hospital came running up my nose. I scrunched it right up.

Kade was down the hallway in a wheelchair, a nurse was rolling him out.

"Terra! Mommy! Look, this nice lady is pushing me! This is nice, we should get one for our house Mommy!"

"We can't honey, it's too expensive." Did I mention we were tight on money? I mean, four kids, who are always ready to buy some new gadgets.

"Aww," He whined.

The twins came up behind me and started talking to him, about totally random things, like banana flying elephants. What even are those?

"Let's go home kids." Dad boomed.

We all walked out of the hospital, to the van and sat inside.

"Terra, buckle Kade into his carseat." Mom ordered.

"Okay." I mumbled. Kade was pretending to be in a rocket ship.

"Kade, you need to get into your space shuttle."

"Yes! Ma'am, Yes!" He squealed, climbing into the car seat.

"I'll need to strap you down, so you won't fall out of the seat in space!"

"Yes! Ma'am!" He let me click his buckles.

I raised my hand to my forehead, my fingers facing outward and thumb tucked to the side. "Be safe, astronaut!"

"I will!" He giggled.

I laughed, his glowing eyes sparkled in happiness. He was so content with life, not knowing what was going on in his head. A war, that could end in death was upon him. Anytime he slept, it was possible that he wouldn't wake up. He didn't even question why he was in the hospital.

We reached home, our hearts heavy with agony. Only Kade was jumping up and down and hopped upstairs to bed. I trembled, knowing that could be the last thing he does. The fear of sleeping and dying was over my head. I crumbled onto my bed, not sleepy, even in the least bit.

What if he died now? It would be your fault. I tiptoed to the end of the hallway into his room, creaking the door open. He was peacefully resting, a smile on his face was present as he slept. I put two fingers in front of his nose; he was still breathing. I sighed and went back to confinement. I was worrying for nothing. It was a grade one, anyway.

Every night, I give myself a pep talk, which usually turns into self-doubt time! Yay! Doesn't everyone love to think the worst things about themselves and hurt their esteem? No. Just me, okay. I thought and thought about today. Zeke found me, again. Some days, he would let me go without a scratch. Those days were probably the best days of my life. Nothing ever got better than that.

I'm a loser. I'm fat, stupid, useless, every bad word in history, and more. I couldn't do a freaking simple math problem! I should probably turn off my personality, but it's not that easy. What personality? You have no life. Be positive, Terra. Positive, optimistic, happy, something.

But how could I be happy knowing that I ruin everyone's life? Mom and dad are tight on money because of me. If they only had three kids, they would have a lot more money.

Hailey and Hana would do perfectly fine without me, it's not like I taught them anything. And Hailey has already expressed how much damage she thinks I could do.

Kade, his life would be ideal without me. He'll have two older sisters instead of three, play around, have fun, and not have to worry. I clung to the little boy too much anyways.

My line of sight slowly drooped out of consciousness.

I woke up with thoughts flooding into my head. If I was funny, would people like me? Could I make friends?

Was it possible?

No, did you forget Zeke? He would skin you alive. I sighed, Zeke ruins everything. It wasn't fair. I wanted to fight for my freaking rights! He would still kill you. My chest heaved up and down, I could never do anything. Not until I graduate.

I lazily rolled off my bed and headed to the shower. Gah, I wish life was easier. I got ready. I ran out the door, not bothering to grab anything.

School, school, school. I hated it. Stupid Mikayla, stupid Zeke, stupid everyone. Bah. Why should I care?

Just kill yourself.

The voice was right. I didn't deserve to be in this world. Everyone would be so much happier. My parents wouldn't have to worry about money as much. My sisters wouldn't be annoyed with me anymore. My brother would be free of my clingyness.

Mikayla would be so ecstatic, that I was gone.

Zeke could be free of me.

I would be free of them.

A/N So thoughts?

Ik I'm not very good at describing stuff.

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