Finding the Holidays

Nine

This is a picture of Delaney Davis.

"L-Lena?  You're back!" Delaney exclaimed as I burst through the door, groggy and tired from an early morning train ride.

"I need a coffee.  Dark roast." I muttered grumpily, opening the cabinets for some coffee beans.

"About that, we ran out last week.  I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while..." Delaney said sheepishly, biting her lip.

Gee, I've been gone, like a week, and everything goes to crap!

"I'll get them at the store." I said, slamming the cabinet door.

Delaney sat on the couch, and I noticed there was a bowl of candy canes on our coffee table.  She pulled one out and began chewing on it.  "So..." Delaney said, between chews, "Did you get your... Big promotion?"

I guess she could see the look on my face.  And I guess I looked really upset.  That's because Delaney actually showed some sympathy, which I didn't think she would do after our upsetting fight earlier.  "What happened, Lena?" Delaney asked worriedly.

I wiped my eyes, tears coming on.  Fight it, fight it, Lena!  Fight it, I urged.  "It's about Ben, isn't it?" Delaney guessed, "I know you don't like to talk about it much, but I figured it was that."

"This is why I hate the holidays!" I burst out, "Because everyone wants me to be happy when the only thing I'm celebrating is my boyfriend's death date- which could have been prevented if I was actually smart about it!"

Delaney went up and hugged me.  Instead of tensing, I actually relaxed.  My first hug in forever.  The last one where I didn't flinch or tense was when Benjamin did it.  Delaney's big brown eyes looked into mine as she said softly, "Would Benjamin want you to be happy?"

"I don't know, maybe?" I said, blinking hard.

"It's not your fault he's dead, you didn't control the weather.  You didn't predict or plan it.  He wouldn't want you blaming yourself and having a bad time, Lena." Delaney told me.

"I can't necessarily have a good time anymore." I said, staring at our Christmas tree.  The whole apartment was decorated.  I guess Delaney did it while I was gone, knowing I'd make too much of a fuss if I were there.  I stared at the tree, and that got me thinking.

Ben would have wanted me to be happy.  And I have disappointed him.  With my moods and my frowning and hating, I've brought down everyone else who's been kind to me.  Delaney, Lesedi, Michael, Elissa, Mrs. Meade, Zoe- even Mr. Kingsley's been kind on occasions!  "I need to be happier." I breathed, "I need to straighten out my life."

As I burst into my room, my brown eyes darted around the room.  "Lena, what are you doing?" Delaney started to say.

"I've kept this for a long, long time." I told her, opening one of my drawers.  I reached my hand into the back of the drawer and felt a small, velvet box.  Carefully, I pulled it out and stared at its red velvet, eyes misting.

"Is that...?" Delaney stared wide-eyed, piecing it together.  I nodded, opening the box to reveal a beautiful, diamond pendant necklace.  "I've kept this with me, but I've never worn it since that night. I need to start, though." I said, partly to Delaney and myself, "I think it'd be good for me."  I looked at my little sister and gave her a genuine smile.  She'll later tell me this, but she was thinking at that time that she finally had her older sister back.  I carefully put the necklace around my neck, and adjusted it with the guide of a mirror.  "Gorgeous." Delaney declared, with a smile.

After I had some food and a drink of coffee, I sat beside Delaney on the couch with my laptop.  "Please don't tell me you're going back to more work!" Delaney groabed, rolling her eyes, assuming that my whole scenario I did earlier was forgotten.

"I'm not doing more work," I assured, "I'm booking train tickets.  For you, and I."

"Where are we going?" Delaney asked, leaning over to get a better look at the laptop screen.

I thought about how I had to make amends to so many people.  How I had not honoured Benjamin Davis by being so cold all the time.  Though the holidays bring back some bad memories, they aren't all that bad.  Maybe allowing some festivities into my life again wouldn't be such a bad omen.

Elissa, for example, must've had some pretty bad holidays, by herself in Russia.  But, she never let it bring her down, or at least not in my eyes.  

And Zoe, a kid who just wanted to be happy and kind to me- I couldn't even give her that half the time!  If anything, I owed her apology.

And Michael, though he called me 'Madame Grinch', teasing me, he still convinced me to let loose and have fun, which really helped me.  I owe him a thank you and and apology as well.

Also Mrs. Meade, who I was rude to when I met her.

And Lesedi, who's stuck by me for the longest time, being supportive of me when I haven't been the best friend I could have been.

Lastly, Delaney, who's done nothing but good to me.  Letting me stay with her after Ben died, being strong when I've been weak.  Putting up with all the crap I've thrown at her.  "Delaney, I'm sorry." I said, and she looked at me, confused.

"For?" She asked.

"For being an awful sister and not realizing that you've been nothing but kind to me since day one."

Delaney hugged me, of all surprises.  I gently patted her back.  "Okay..." I said, not expecting that.

"I forgive you, Lena.  I always knew you'd come around eventually." Delaney told me, smiling.  She let go and sat up again.  "But, seriously, where are we going?" She asked.  

"Spruce Peak Lodge Resort." I said with a grin, "I have some amends to make."