Dirty Little Secret (Josh Devine Fanfiction)

Mokuna ʻUmi

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the worst as I slid my key card into the slot of the door. I anxiously turned the handle and found Josh sitting on the bed, knees curled up to his broad chest and his head leaning against the headboard. His eyes were closed and I could tell by the way his chest quivered on each breath that he was crying.

My heart immediately dropped and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I ran over to him, crawling on the bed and kneeling in front of him, cupping his face in both of my hands to make him look at me. His eyes remained closed and I saw the tracks of salty tears that snaked their way down his defined cheekbones.

"Josh, Joshy whats wrong?" My voice came out in a squeak, my heart constricting, a tear of my own threatening to rise up.

He shook his head and turned his face away to avoid looking at me. Immediately I felt rejected and upset with myself. 

"Josh, please. Please don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I whispered, trying to get him to face me but he refused. 

I dropped my head to his knees, my heart plummeting to the pit of my stomach. I shouldn't have made a scene. I shouldn't have left. I fucked up with the one man I loved the most. I felt my chest tighten and my body began to tremble with sobs. 

Devastation and disappointment in myself overwhelmed me, tears flowing in a torrent. I haven't cried like this since... Since...

I felt strong hands hook under my arms and Josh dropped his legs, pulling me into his lap. His arms went around my body and I buried my face in his chest, crying incessantly. I heard his ragged breaths through the fabric of his shirt. He trembled slightly before taking a deep breath.

"I feel like I'm doing things so wrong." he said, his accent thick.

I didn't say anything, I didn't trust my voice. I didn't trust myself to say anything because every time I did lately, it just led to a fight. 

"I should have known better. I know how crazy the publicity things are with this band. I should have known... I should have known." He rested his chin on the top of my head and stroked my hair. 

"It's my fault that we're having these problems... I don't want to lose you Meliss and I just feel like you're slipping out of my grasp. I don't want to lose you ever. You have no clue how much you mean to me. I love you so much." his voice caught at the end of his sentence and I shook my head, looking up at his bloodshot eyes.

"No, Josh. You'll never lose me, I love you so much." 

I pulled his face toward mine and kissed him softly, feeling his warm lips against mine. I could taste the salt from our tears on our lips. He kissed me back tenderly, running his fingers through my hair. I pressed my body into his, feeling a desperate need to be closer to him. To me, it was as if he could just disappear right out of my arms if I didn't hold him close enough. 

I tangled my fingers through his hair, pressing my lips against his harder. My heart started to race as his hands ran down my back and rested on my hips. He gripped me firmly and pressed me in to him, his kisses growing desperate. I returned his passion and ran my tongue lightly over this bottom lip. He opened his mouth and pressed his mouth onto mine, snaking his tongue into my mouth and gliding it over my tongue softly.

I started to explore his mouth with my tongue, biting down on his lower lip and tugging softly. Emitting a moan from deep in his throat and his grip on my hips tightened. The muscles in his arms tensing with the action.

Our intimacies were always PG-13, and when things got hotter it was usually initiated by him. But we've never gone farther than making out. But this time something was different and it incited a slow burn in my lower belly I felt great pleasure in.