The second the girls reached their boyfriends they were squealing and saying how much they missed them and that they loved them so much.
I watched woodenly, trying not to let the jealousy overpower me.
I looked around and noticed Brian wasn't there.
"Um, where's Brian?" I asked quietly.
"He's inside. He wasn't feeling too good." Matt said.
He put Alaina down and came over to me, pulling me into his arms.
I was grateful for the hug.
Matt always gave the best hugs.
"Did you have fun?" He asked me, pulling away to look at my face.
I didn't have to force a smile because I did have a good time.
It was just tainted.
"It was great. Had a lot of fun with my best friends." I said with another smile.
"That's great to hear. You need to have more fun. Now I suggest you go and get your man. He really seems to have missed you." Matt said with a warm smile.
It took everything in me not to cry right there.
I forced a smile.
"He better have missed me." I said in a mocking tone.
I looked up and all the girls were looking at me.
I smiled and shook my head.
"Come in you guys. We've had a long drive. Let's relax for a while." I said.
They all agreed and we all piled inside.
I looked around but didn't see Brian.
I put my bags down in the hallway and went to the kitchen.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?" I yelled.
I was facing them so I wasn't even watching where I was going.
I bumped into something hard and I bounced off and would've fell if Brian hadn't put his hands out to catch me.
"Whoa." I breathed.
In his attempt to keep me from falling, Brian had pulled me into his chest and now his arms were wound around my waist.
I looked up at him and his eyes that used to sparkle with excitement, looked dull and kind of dead.
He looked so sad but he could pass as sick.
I mean, he fooled me.
"Hey." He said softly.
I pulled away from him and went to the fridge.
"Hey. What you been up to?" I asked, trying to be casual incase the guys were listening.
Inside, I was crying and screaming.
"I've been missing you." He answered.
I didn't respond, just got a bunch of drinks out of the fridge.
"I've been thinking about you, and all the stupid things I've done. All the times I've hurt you and now that I think about it, I realize that nothing I ever did was worth the pain that it's cost you. I'm so sorry." Brian whispered in a shaky voice.
I turned back to him and stared at him blankly.
It was quiet for a moment and each passing second, Brian got a little crazier.
"Jesus, please say something!" Brian begged.
"What am I supposed to say, Brian?" I asked.
"That you hate me for all the things I've done to you. That you're going to leave me so I can beg you on my hands and knees to come back to me." He said in a hoarse voice.
"I'm not going to do that. You know, that even after all of this, I still love you more than anything. I'm just starting to question if that love is even worth it anymore." I said.
Brian was in front of me in a second.
He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to his chest.
"It is worth it, baby. You know I love you so much, more then my own life. I just made a mistake." He said, pleading with me.
I stood there for a moment, in the circle of his arms.
It's so easy to go back to being this way with him.
But this time was way different.
So, so much more different.
I pulled out of his arms and the broken look on his face was enough to make me want to cry.
"I'm not going anywhere, Brian. Despite all of this, I do still love you and I do want to be with you. But things aren't just going to go back to how they were because you apologized. It's going to take some time. I want to see some real changes. Otherwise, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I really can't." I whispered, my strong resolve quickly fading when I saw the bright shine of hope in his eyes.
He pulled me into his arms and pulled me to him again.
He just held me for a moment and then he pulled back slightly.
I looked up in confusion and he leaned down to kiss me.
At the last possible second, I turned my head and gave him the cheek.
He looked so disappointed and deflated.
" I told you it was going to take time. I'm not ready for that yet." I said.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel forced into this. I'll wait as long as you need. I'd do anything for you." Brian whispered.
I leaned up and kissed his cheek.
Then I turned around and picked up all the drinks, bringing them to the living room.
He'll do anything?
We'll see about that.
I thought with a smirk as I gave everyone a drink.
