Thank you. I could tell you that a million times and you still wouldn't know how much I mean it. You, sir, have saved my life. Fuck, I understand what you're singing about in a lot of your songs. The depression, the self-hatred, everything. I want to be able to send this to you, to let you know right from me how important you are to me, but I'm too scared.
I'm actually scared of you. No, not even scared.
Petrified.
You terrify me. I think it's mostly from how brutal I know you can be when you roast people, truthfully. I know you mostly do it to people who are being assholes... but...
My self-esteem is so damn low. I hate myself, so fucking much that it's actually kind of ridiculous. On my best days, I'll look at myself in the mirror and be able to list five things I like about myself.
On a bad day, I'll be able to call only two or three things mediocre.
On my good days, I say that I like my hairstyle/haircut, my eye color, my freckles, my general body figure, my art style, my sass, and my loyalty. On bad days... it's normally just that my hair, eyes, and freckles are meh.
But fuck, your music helps a lot. I can't understand what you're saying half the time, sure, but still. The fucking vibe your music gives off, desperate and scared and wanting someone to notice your suffering, it's something I know as well as I know the keys on a piano.
Just. The sheer amount of people that treat me like trash or look at me in disgust, the amount of people that spit at me, the amount of times I've cried because of my parents, the amount of toxic friends I've had... it's disgusting.
But your music helps me throw it.
Personally, I find a lot of comfort in Joyriding.
Just... the fucking lyrics. Are you even okay? I don't like the thought of you meaning those lyrics or how you sing them with so much honesty in your voice, I don't want you to go through that. You've been through so much and you're so wonderful, you matter so damn much I just don't know how you could write those lyrics and mean them.
But, fuck, I've used the line "Yeah, it's cool, I'll be okay" so many times. I just wish someone would notice how much pain I'm in, and I find that feeling almost satisfied by your music.
I don't know. Your music is just amazing and I wish I had the strength to message you about it.
Stay safe, please. You deserve it.
Sincerely, Truly, and Always,
A fan just trying to survive.
