Change

CHAPTER ONE: A NEW BEGINNING

I was surrounded by happy chatters, laughter and excitement. But I was blinded by it, like I was standing there physically but numb emotionally and mentally. 

Isn't happiness supposed to be contagious?

But just like always I was in my own world staring across the room at the dull life less painting that portrayed an emotionally strong woman. But to me it looked like she was pleading for help, look like she was exhausted of feeling sad all the time, but like mom says, it's how the person look at it, it supposed to create mix feelings in the viewer and bring out the beauty in the painting but to me, she just looked desponded, relating how the women felt I would know, because I felt the same exact way.

"Elle"? I heard someone say dragging me out of my lone some world.
It was my best friend Emma. She has always been there for me for as long as I can remember. I met Emma on my first day of Middle School.

She's the girl that you always can depend on, no matter what the circumstances I've been through a lot and I would not have been able to handle it without her support. I'm not one to have many friends besides the few that actually care.

But that's more than okay for me. I have everyone I need around be and I couldn't be more satisfied even though there will always be that one person that's missing.

I've been healing. It's the step forward in becoming better, becoming the person to see the good things again, the exciting things that life awaits. After all I've been nowhere near that state of mind for a whole while.

"Yes"? I said sounding dumbstruck.

"Have you been listening; to what I have been saying"?

"Um, I" stuttering not have been paying attention to what she had been saying "Yeah, I uh, I'm sorry I was just, thinking." "Sorry", I gave her an apologetic smile.

Emma released an exhausted sigh and gave me a half smile.

Comforting me in a side hug she said, "Elle, you don't have to keep pretending you fine, if don't feel like putting up a front up and socialising with these people then don't, you don't have to you know?"

"Yeah, I know" I said nodding my head slowly. "I just thought being around people would somehow, I don't know, help with my mood, but I feel no different."

"You know it's not a bad thing, the way you feeling I know you trying to fight it but, it's okay to feel whatever you want to feel everybody deals and copes different ways and if you feel like you not able to stand a crowd right now, then so be it."

I understood what she was trying to say, and I was surely grateful for it because I felt like she was the only one to really know if something was going on with me.

"I know it's not but", I said pausing. "I just, somehow feel really tired, tired of being sad all the time, it's exhausting and I feel it's getting worse every single day, when it's supposed to be getting better.

I thought that somehow with this move and all, it's a chance to regain happiness to move on and get my old life back, but I feel like being sad is all I know now. I tried, and tried promising myself that. For the sake of....... I found myself coming to a halt, not wanting to say it out loud.

I guess Emma noticed that panic look on my face, because she immediately wrapped her arms around me.
Trying not to be pathetic and break down in front of everyone, like I have been doing the past six months.
She pulled away, probably sensing the tension in my posture and dragging me by the arm to a secluded corner of the spacious living room area.

She stared at me for a long while I tried to regulate my breathing. I had no idea how long we were standing there, but I felt a tug on my hand as Emma led the way to toward a door leading outside.

Giving her a puzzled look, she looked at me and said, "We are going for a little walk, try and get your anxious mind to relax and to stop overthinking," she said while giving me a knowing smile.

We kept walking watching the twilight scenery before us. This is probably one of my favourite times of the day.
It's just amazing how every single day the things around us changes, move forward everything blink of an eye, not knowing what to expect but, with nature it doesn't change,
well except it will always stay in the beautiful form and good change into something different as the season changes, but still, its natural beauty will stay intact, just how I like things.

***

Promise me that you'll actually keep in touch and not just say you are going, to only to have us not contact each other and we go our separate ways",
Emma said in one worriedly breath, giving me a hug which was set into a frown.
"You know that will never happen Em", I held onto to her a bit longer.
"You my family, we'll talk all the time and I'm even hoping to visit as soon as a get break",
I said while keeping her at arm's length.
"You know I won't be able to stay long away, especially not without seeing my grandparents". "Okay", she gave me a happier looking smile then before. It's been about two hours since everyone left the party.
And I for one have been roaming around the house not wanting to face reality, which was packing up to leave.

***

Looking around my bedroom, pretty much looking like an empty shell. We're leaving tomorrow and I can't help but feel the nerves getting to me, one last night in my home, well old home from tomorrow on.

***

Watching the truck pull away, the next morning finally sank in that we're moving, leaving. Leaving everything that I always knew, and loved.
The house we called our home, the friends that become family, the familiar faces of people we saw while shopping or strolling the neighborhood.

Even the nosy neighbors. I would like to think my entire life would change and.... I'm scarred to find out just how it will be, according to dad change is evident in life and that it's not the end, but only the begging. I just hope and pray that I will get through it.