• m e r a k i •

• exulansis •

~ the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it ~

i wish that i could just tell you how its feels to feel like this.
but i can't.
i just can't.
how do i explain that i can feel everything but nothing at the same time?
how can i explain that this body,
that this person,
is not me?
how do i explain myself to people because i want to say something but what do i say?
what do i say?
you know,
lying to you hurts me,
it hurts us.
because you have seen me cry but you have never seen me shout like a hurricane,
or collapse as if my world just split in two.
because sadly,
you do not know me!
how can you know me?
im a liar.
sorry mr gullible,
but im a liar.
i am not what infront of you everyday.
i am what i see infront of the mirror late at night when i am stuck with my demons.
and in that moment,
that exact moment,
i am me.
so im sorry.
but you do not know me.
you never knew me.