• m e r a k i •

• énouement •

~ the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self ~

TRIGGER WARNING {mentions of suicide}

i could hear my head fall on the cold tiled floor with a thud.
however to me, that cold floor felt like a pillow.
i was so dysphunctional because of a bottle of overused pills and a bottle of whiskey,
i couldn't feel a thing.
as i laid there,
hearing my own breathing slow down,
i started to rethink why i did this to myself.
i've been thinking about this single moment for months,
but now,
i don't want this.
i don't want anyone to feel the pain i have been feeling.

i could faintly hear my friend Myles screaming my name over and over again.
((Sam! Sam! Sam!))
i would move,
but i couldn't.
i could feel his tears touch my now motionless body.
'Myles...?'
i could barely whisper.
i wanted to scream i'm sorry at the top of my lungs.
i'm sorry i wasn't there for you,
i'm sorry for putting you through this,
i'm sorry!

i could hardly hear Myles at this point.
it felt like i was going numb,
maybe even dying.
'Myles..., Myles'
i said with all the energy i had left.
'shhhh....be quiet...

i love you,

i love you,

never forget that,

i'm sorry,

goodbye....'