little do you know ⍟ camila cabello

i've become so numb

It's funny how things never really turn out the way you thought they would. Reality is different from our expectations, and most of the time that doesn't really bother us. When the unexpected happens, it's usually not an issue. We barely notice the difference between our expectations and reality, and we live our lives as if none of it mattered.

Then there are other times -- when our anticipation takes root and grows over months or years of waiting -- when real life pales in comparison to our fantasies. The more eager we grow, the more painful the experience is when it's not what we wanted.

That's the issue with expectations: we usually overshoot them. We expect more than we're likely to get. We aim for perfection, but we discover that reality isn't so different from the lives we've been living. Optimism is a wonderful thing until it blinds you.

It's important to be optimistic, but it's just as important to be realistic. It's necessary that we understand the statistical chances of one thing happening versus another. The more you accept that there is always a chance that things won't go the way that you think they will, the less likely you are to be caught off-guard when that happens.

Unfortunately, I've come to learn that sometimes -- no matter how aware you are that things may not work out -- there is no such thing as sufficient mental preparation.

Not all of your hopes and dreams are going to come true, and when one of them dies in front of your eyes, it hurts more than you could possibly imagine. If that dream is a future with someone you love, your world will be turned upside down. Seeing the person you love, slowly morph into a form of nothingness can kill you. I know because it's killed me.

Y/N Y/L/N.

The most perfect girl to ever roam this Earth. If you don't believe me, ask all of the people who have ever met her.

The girl of my dreams, and many others I don't doubt.

I think deep down I've always known it's too good to be true, but I also forced myself to believe that, frankly, this was my reality. I was in love with someone who was also completely in love with me and I had to accept that I had that opportunity. No one else.

It took a while, but I think I was finally starting to get through my head that Y/N would be mine if I just let her be. This wasn't a dream, and I needed to take this seriously.

Unfortunately, that fantasy wasn't long-lived, and I came to the end of it faster than anticipated. Something that I thought once would last forever, is now becoming a distant memory of what used to be-but I didn't know that yet.

Two years.

Well, almost two years.

It's funny how when you think of a new movie coming out in two years or a new season for a TV show coming out in two years, it seems like the longest wait in the world. But when you think of a political or environmental change that will take place in just two years' time, it seems so close.

It evidently comes down to if something is small and really insignificant to the impact of the world, like a new movie, it takes a lot longer in our minds to arrive. However, something as big as a new breakthrough that will erase climate change in two years seems like such a short time.

Being in a relationship weirdly contradicts these two categories. The small things, like all the laughs you share and the love and happiness, seems like they fly by. Like you were laughing about that time you tripped over at the park was a year ago when really it feels like yesterday. However, the big things that impact your world, like breaking up with the love of your life, makes it seem like you are losing someone you have been with your whole life, and now some heartless, unbreakable force is ripping you two apart.