Beautiful Faces {b.f - book 1} ➳ Christian Collins

Decisions

I stood there, on Luke's porch for about half an hour trying to put into words what I had to say. Then, after a while, I realized I didn't even know what I had to say. I sat down on the last step and ran my fingers through my hair, I was pretty sure it was messy, and honestly I really didn't care at that point. I sighed and tried to recall as much of the conversation we had the last time we were alone, before my breakdown. I didn't even care to turn when i heard Luke's front door open and someone walk out, I just sat there with my face in my hands. I didn't look up until they had walked over to me and sat down. Luke looked at me, dark circles had long ago claimed territory under his eyes. He half smiled at me and i looked down at my hands and picked at my nails.

"Hey..." he said quietly while looking out at the sky. I followed his gaze.

"Hey..." From the corner of my eye I saw him glance at me. I smiled at him and laid my head onto his shoulder. He scooted closer to me so i wasn't uncomfortable. "You know..." I started, but I didn't know where I was going. "I love you too..." I whispered. He sighed.

"I know.. always best friends I know th-"

"No.." I cut him off, "I mean I love you like I love Chris..."

"Oh..." he sighed again and i struggled not to get up and walk away, I didn't know what I was saying, I loved Chris, not Luke... yet there I was, telling him i did... maybe I did. "How?" he asked suddenly. I almost laughed out loud.

"That's what I thought when you told me but you didn't have an answer for that did you?" he shook his head, "Exactly..." we sat there for a while and stared at the blue sky.

"Do you really love him?"

"Yes.." I said without hesitation. I know I did. I really did love Chris.

"How do you know?"

"How do you know you love me?"

"I couldn't live without you, I'd do anything for you, you make me happy and i really have this burning urge to be alone with you... to kiss you.. to touch you..."

I raised my head off his shoulder and leaned against the rail.

"That's how I know I love Chris.."

He scoffed.

"You've technically only known him for a few days.."

"Yet in those weeks we've been through more than me and you have. He.." I almost choked on the words, "He almost died because of me Luke.."

"No.. no Lynn, he almost died because he wasn't paying attention.."

"because he was looking at me.."

"a little conceited don't you think?"

"no, I saw him.. cause I was looking at him ..."

"Well then... that's still not your fault Lynn..."

"What do you want from me, Luke?"

He looked at me, studying every part of my face, before looking at the nail coming out of the side of the stair.

"Not to be with him.."

I almost didn't hear him.

"I'm confused... I though you two were, like, friends.."

"I didn't know he'd go for you though.."

"Wow... nice." I started to get up and walk away but he came from behind me and grabbed my wrist keeping me back.

"Come on Lynn... you know I didn't mean that.. I just.. I didn't know he liked you liked that is what I'm trying to say.."

"Trust me, I didn't either.."

"Well yea...."

"Then why is us a problem?"

"Because I want it to be me and you Lynn... I want it to be us.."

"Luke..."

"Lynn I know its weird cause we've always just been best friends but I know I've always felt more.. and you know you have to..."

"I know.. but I can't ruin what I have with Chris ..."

"then you'll be ruining us..." he whispered.

I looked up at him.

"what are you saying Luke?"

he sighed and looked me square in the eye

"Luke don't do this-"

"Its me or him....." he said suddenly.

This time I scoffed.

"your giving me an ultimatum? after all we've been through? what the hell Luke?!"

"Lynn you don't understand... I can't be around you two together.. it hurts."

I just looked at him. I couldn't believe my best friend since forever was really doing this... and the sad part was, I already knew who I'd pick.

"I'm sorry Luke.... but I love Chris, obviously you don't love me enough to accept and live with that.."

"No.. no the problem is that i love you too much to accept and live with that!" he was near yelling now, "it hurts Lynn, every time I see you kiss him or touch him.. how do you think I felt finding you two that morning in the hospital? I broke Lynn..." tears were falling out of his eyes now.

"I'm sorry, I can't do anything though-"

"Yes. you can. pick me, leave him. I'm here, I've always been here Lynn.."

"Luke.... please.." I was crying now too, but my tears were getting heavier, his were already drying.

"No. Lynn. choose. period." I ran my fingers through my hair to get it out my face, which, mind you, was now damn near soaked with tears.

"Luke.. I love him.."

he just stood there for a moment before replying.

"Then were done here..." he walked away before I could say anything. I felt a large lump forming in my throat and my eyes burned. I sank onto the sidewalk in my own puddle of tears. For the first time since I could remember, Luke wasn't there to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ohk... of course it was.