After

Chapter 26-Part 2

One side of the clear glass portrays immeasurable beauty. A seemingly never-ending expanse of trees all changing the colors of their leaves; some are the color of the radiant sun, others the color of blood, while others the burnt orange of a sunset, yet a small portion are the same boring color as the branch they will soon fall from, but together it is more beautiful than what many can imagine. Lauren sees all of this, yet is not struck with the awe many others would gain if they had seen this magnificent sight. She stares at the other side of the window and takes in what is before her and she tries to feel. She tries to remember what it was like when she was younger and understood pure happiness from something that barely mattered to anyone else but her. She tries to remember the love she once felt for her friends and family and wants to be able to grow that love more each day. Her soul is in turmoil but she does not know why this turmoil is so much more intense than it had been even yesterday.

Continuing to look out the window, she realizes that she can feel emotion, but of all of them, only fear and despair. She opens the window in hopes of the feeling of fresh, brisk air bringing her a different sensation than what he is feeling right now. She hopes for happiness. Maybe not forever, not even for an hour, just for a brief moment she wants happiness, and that small ounce of happiness will bring restoration for her cold, broken soul. Air swiftly hits her face, the soft wind pushing her long hair out of her once piercing green eyes that are now grey with despair, and still, nothing within her changes.

The ground so far below her window seems so inviting and she is so, so tired. A small layer of leaves cover the dirt and with each passing moment, she longs to be lying with them. Soon, the realization hits her: she can either continue in her ways and feel, but only feel sadness, or she doesn't have to feel at all. She has found an escape and it takes her only a moment to come to her decision: her final decision.

The floorboards creek beneath her feet as she picks one of them up to rest on the window seal, and soon, the other joins it. Come on. You can do it, nobody is stopping you. Her thoughts race. This life is enslavement to your pain, but death is not death. Death is freedom from it. Tired eyes blink and then focus on the ground beneath them; it seems to be inviting her to come closer, rest within its soft blanket of leaves; sleep forevermore. One foot moves forward to be met with only air, the next follows. Her fall begins but everything seems to be happening in slow motion, everything but her thoughts. What if my pain was only temporary? Death is forever. Could there not have been something I could have done differently? No. She knows his whole life has led to this moment; the final chapter of her book will now be complete. Her song is now over. But what if there was more I could have done with my life? What all could I be missing out on? She is close to the ground, only a few feet away, but she is not as at peace with her decision that she expected to be. And suddenly, everything goes dark.

Moments pass and this time she truly feels nothing, neither joy nor despair. More moments pass but what he thought death would be like is not what she is experiencing. She finally hears something, and as she grows more aware of it, it gets louder and faster. She then realizes what this noise is and knows it signifies her plan failed: she is listening to a hospital monitor beeping. She opens her eyes and sees Ally sitting in a chair beside her, her face red with visible tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Thankfully the hospital called me before your parents. It's your choice to tell them." She whispers. Lauren can tell how much she hurt Ally and tries to say something but Ally interrupts her, "No. Don't defend yourself, I don't want to hear it." She pauses, "Actually, tell me why you didn't want to talk about this with me? You know I would've helped if I had known how bad it had gotten."

Lauren finally speaks, and when she does, words gush from her mouth, "I'm sorry, it just came over me too quickly and I didn't realize what I was doing. I realized that I won't get any better and Br-Br- you know may even be able to get away from their punishment and hurt me and break me more." Ally's brown eyes stare deeply into Lauren's emerald ones. Lauren can see Ally's pain, but most of all, she can feel it too. She can feel every single ounce of it and she absolutely hates it, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I feel this way. I don't want to feel this way. I just- I don't want to feel anymore."

"I can't let you take your life away from yourself, from me, and especially not Camila after everything she went through with you." Ally rests her hands on Laurens, "I don't know what I would do if I had to go on with my life without you, I need you, Mani needs you, Dinah needs you, and Camila needs you as well as so many other people." She continues to speak and her calm, gentle words echo throughout the room and Lauren knows that if anyone is going to be able to help her, it will be Ally or someone equally as close as her.

In a way, she wishes her plan had succeeded, but in another, she's glad it didn't, "I still don't-don't feel alive." Ally furrows her eyebrows and Lauren continues, "To me, life should be something to look forward to, something unpredictable, unexpected. Yes, life may have its downs, but it should have its ups too; for me, my life just seems like one continuous down. I find no joy in what I used to, I don't talk to anyone anymore, I don't do anything interesting because there is nothing interesting to do."

Ally pushes Lauren's beautiful hair out of her face and sees her emotion. She used to think she could read Lauren well, but now, she seems to have built so many walls it's nearly impossible to get past them. She knows she will find a way to break through them though. She has to. "To find something interesting, you have to try it first."

"It's not just that though."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know." Her voice cracks, "And even if I did, I don't know if I could explain it."

"I understand-" She begins.

"No. No you don't, you don't understand." She raises his voice, "And you never will." She stops speaking for a moment, waiting for Ally to say something, but she doesn't, so Lauren continues, but with a less harsh tone, "At least I hope you never will."

"I know you do. And I know you care." Her voice seems to surround Lauren's failing body, it is calming, yet there is so much emotion hiding within her words, "But I care about you too, so please, let me help you."

"Excuse me," A nurse knocks on the door, "All the scans came back normal aside few broken bones which we already did everything we can for the moment, so there is no reason for us to keep her overnight unless you really think it's necessary. Now all I need is for you to sign these," She hands some paperwork and a pen to Ally, "And you'll be good to go. Now Ms. Jauregui, if you feel like anything is wrong, please do not hesitate to come back." She smiles and exits the room.

"Almost finished?" she asks after a few minutes, "I'm ready to get out of here."

"Yes, just finished. Let me give it to the front desk and we'll be going." She replies soothingly while standing up.

A moment will one day come where Lauren will look over that same view she did so many years ago and she will remind herself of how far she has come but also how far she still has to go, but there is time; she doesn't plan on dying any time soon, but even if she does die that day, the tender words of Ally spoken to her days after she returned home will be what she carries to the grave: Your life, although yours to live, is not yours to take. Your life belongs to those you love and who love you, and even if you had succeeded in taking your own life, you would not have taken away the life you already lived, both the good and the bad.

For now, Lauren will go to the apartment for the first time; her doctors realized she doesn't need to be away from society at the moment, and she will see her friends again. She's seen them since she got back from the hospital after she was rescued, but not all at once. This may be the beginning of her recovery. One of the lowest points she has been in her life could be what brings her back up again. She still worries about the upcoming trial and medical exams, but that too she will get through. After all, if she could survive fourteen months in hell and a fall from a height meant to kill her, what can't she survive?

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So here's part two, what did you all think? I was hoping that this would be more of a chapter to understand exactly what Lauren is feeling right now, and I hope that I portrayed it correctly and in an understandable manner. So please vote and comment as both do help me want to write more fics. Thank you all for reading and I think I will be uploading another chapter later on tonight so stay tuned for that :)