Love or Lust?

Mookie

when i got home from being with tee, i went to my room and just got in the shower. i washed the events of tonight off & boy it was so relaxing. i got out and put on my boy shorts & my sports bra and walked into the kitchen. my mother was sitting at the island reading the newspaper. i went into the fridge to grab some pie. "how long we're gonna be doing this silent treatment?" i shrugged my shoulders. "for real lauren?" i got irritated. "what do you want me to say? ohhh i'm soooo sorryyyyy. or i understand? no i don't. no i'm not." "i don't know why you're acting like i'm not trying to change." "maybe because you stripped my whole childhood away from me and it haunts me everyday i wake up in the morning. i will never be a happy little girl. i look for love to make me happy." "tee is your girlfriend?" "na." i seen her eyes water. i hated when my mom cry, but i thought about how i been crying for 17 years. "i'm pregnant lauren." wtf she just say? "fuck you mean you're pregnant?" she got annoyed. "chico is the father. that's the only man i been with since the incident with your father." i just shook my head and started to walk away. "please don't go. i really need you right now lauren." "how you pregnant if you just got raped last night?" she looked down. "it wasn't chico first time. i'm 10 weeks. you do the math." she got up from the island and went upstairs. my mother was a beautiful latina woman. but nothing's gonna change what she has done to me. i pray she don't treat the baby how i got treated.

i went into my room and decided to text d. i know tee would be pissed.

me: hi.
d: wassup? look i'm sorry for how i acted tonight.
me: it's okay. just promise not to hurt me again.
d: i promise.
me: do you still wanna continue fw each other? or just leave it as friends?
d: you ask yourself lil mama. you forgive me enough to take it back to that point?
me: yes. you made your promise so i forgive you.
d: alright mama. i'll text you later, im handling something right now.
me:okay.

i know tee is gonna be so pissed at me. she's probably gonna feel like she lost both of her girls to d. but i mean 🤷🏽‍♀️ .. so i then decided to text tee. i didn't know if she was with trish or not.

me: hey are you okay?
tee: yeah.
me: can we talk?
tee: speak.
me: i like you. i want to be with you. it's just, i got too much going on right now to be dealing with trish after you handle her.
tee: i understand. but fuck her. if i want you, just believe and trust me.
me: where are you?
tee: home.
me: you didn't go see trish?
tee: na. won't feeling her tonight. i got mad homework so i'll see you at school tomorrow.
me: okay.

she probably is going through a lot right now. i went into bella room and laid in the bed with her. i held her and fell fast asleep.