I wake up the next morning with Tess hogging the blanket, making me realize why I felt so cold throughout the night. I carefully get up and check the time, seeing that it's seven and we have to be home in about fifteen minutes. I've never really been worried about sleeping too late because I always somehow wake up just in time. Tess rolls over and looks at me, makeup smudged underneath her green eyes.
"What time is it?" She asks in a croaky voice.
"Seven. You want to walk or should I go wake Helio up?" I question, putting on my jacket. I hope she picks the first one.
Last night was great, but now that I've realized how much I like Helio, it's a little difficult being around him. He's the definition of everything I've ever wanted and I can't even admit that to him. I want him, but does he even want me? Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's hard for me to know if people actually want me around. He'd have to do something to prove it to me.
"We can walk. We have enough time." She gets up and slips on her jacket.
"I'm gonna leave him a note then we can go." She nods and I start looking for a piece of paper, I only find the parchment paper from last night.
"You should use food dye." Tess jokes with a cheesy smile and I roll my eyes as I rip some off.
"I think this pen will do just fine." I reply back with a small smile and I notice one of her front teeth is chipped.
"Ready?" She asks a couple minutes later.
I nod as I grab my phone. We head out and I lock the door behind us. Tess and I walk downstairs, seeing Jackie and Brielle. Ambrose is coming out of the office and doesn't even notice Tess and I.
"Did you let them in?" I ask, looking at him.
"Yeah, they came here like ten minutes ago. I figured it'd be okay," Ambrose answers.
''Yeah, yeah . . it's . um . . fine." I stutter, knowing they haven't been home.
"You guys haven't been home yet, have you?" Tess demands, glaring at both of them.
"Tess, it's not a big deal," Brielle remarks with a giggle, obviously still drunk.
"Ambrose, can we borrow your phone?" I cautiously ask, knowing Tess is probably furious and about to snap.
"Take my car. Just bring it back later." He notices the tension and attempts to find a solution.
"Can I drive?" Jackie exclaims, excitedly.
"No. You and Brielle are sitting in the back." Tess answers shortly.
We walk out together with Brielle and Jackie stumbling. Tess and I get in first while Brielle and Jackie argue over which side they get to sit on. It takes about five minutes before they compromise and get in the car. The car stays silent because of the tension, no radio and no talking. Brielle and Jackie are to blame for this, Tess was in a decent mood until they showed up.
Tess texts someone as we get closer to the foster home, probably Ms. Lilin. I don't pry, I just keep driving and hope we don't get caught. Ms. Lilin signed me up for driving lessons on Friday and I'm really excited to finally have a license. Tess, Jackie, and I will be the only ones with a license which may be a little problematic with the younger girls.
"Ms. Lilin wants to talk to you two in her office." Tess tells the two girls in the backseat who suddenly look worried.
"Tess . . we didn't even do anything. You're such a goddamned bitch." Brielle whines.
"You did do something. Ms. Lilin was worried about you all night and you don't seem to care." I interject, looking between the two.
"You seemed like a chill person, but you're just like Tess." Brielle shoots a glare my way.
"Yeah, I thought us three would all get along." Jackie adds.
"Sorry, I don't like drinking my problems away." I get out and storm inside, not even caring anymore.
"Luna, where are the others?" Ms. Lilin asks as I attempt to make my way upstairs.
"They should be coming inside any minute." I walk upstairs and shut my door behind me.
I'm not used to dealing with this many teenage girls at all. It's more frustrating than I expected and I'm glad Tess isn't anything like Brielle and Jackie. I wanted Brielle and I to get along, but I don't like people who drink. I never have and I never will, it's a disgusting habit that I never want.
I know Brielle and Jackie probably get drunk to forget about their past, but I don't want to be apart of that. Alcohol or even drugs will ruin you so much and then you're family has to deal with what happens when you can't stop. The scariest part about all of this is when you realize you're addicted, it's when you keep telling yourself that it'll be the last time. Yet, you never stop and soon enough . . it's more than just an addiction, it's an obsession. I don't want that for anyone, especially them.
I'm probably over thinking this, but that's what I do. I'm so aware of my over thinking that it literally effects my everyday life. I over think everyday and I'm unsure of what is real and what conclusions I've come up with from it. Have I made certain things up? That's probably a yes and my over thinking has probably fooled me more than once.
It really sucks because I have anxiety, I've had anxiety for years. It's the literal worst thing for anyone and it's not something that you should ever joke about. I've never dealt with it properly, I let it consume me and take over my mind. It's loud and it's destructive, it'll kill all the happy thoughts and leave you with the sad ones. Anxiety, depression, and insecurity are my worst enemies and they won't let me win no matter how hard I try.
"Hey, Ms. Lilin called in for us. Looks like Brielle and I are switching rooms," Tess states as she walks in.
"Is that really a good idea?" I jokingly ask.
"It's the room connected to Ms. Lilin's room. They'll have to leave the bathroom door open and it's on the third floor." Tess explains, sitting on the bed.
"Ah, I prefer you anyways."
"Yeah, Jackie would sneak in guys all the time. It was kind of weird." Brielle walks in as Tess finishes her sentence.
"You have to move your stuff out. Ms. Lilin wants us in our new rooms by tonight."
"Okay."
The day goes by slowly, depression and anxiety clouding my mind. I decide to work anyways which takes forever and I almost yell at a couple customers, but I keep calm. I don't even eat supper at all, telling everyone that work was rough. I end up falling asleep at eight and having bad dreams.
"Luna!" Tess shakes me awake and I get really confused.
