Butterfly Years

Chapter 6

“Are you feeling alright, Syaz?” Tia asks, her face melting into one of concern.

I look up at her. I’m lying on my bed, staring at the plain white ceiling. Tia’s sitting on my desk chair, whirling around. We came straight to my home after the funeral. I knew Ryan wanted to talk to me – he tried catching my eye after all the mourners dispersed – but I just walked straight to Rosie’s car. I know it was probably rude of me. But I convinced myself that he had to talk to his relatives either way.

I wondered many times what Ryan was going to do without any proper guardian. He once mentioned that his godparents might want him to live with them on the other side of town. But he said that most probably his mother might come back to live with Jen and him. He said that he preferred the latter option, but whatever the decision made by his godparents was, he would have to obey them.

“Yeah,” I mumble back at Tia. She shoots me a dubious glance and I sit up, drawing my legs up to my chin. “Okay, maybe not,” I admit.

“What’s up?” she asks me. “It’s nothing, really. Just thoughts about the funeral and all. Hope Ryan’s feeling fine.”

“Mmhmm,” Tia replies, then sits down beside me on my bed. “Truth or Dare?” she asks.

I sigh to myself. I know exactly what she wants to ask me, but playing along, I reply, “Truth.”

Call me a chicken, but I’m way too scared of Tia’s dares.

“What’s Ryan to you?” she asks me, eying me intently.

I shrug, and fall back onto the bed. “I don’t know,” I reply truthfully, “Now that the funeral’s over, I’m pretty sure we’re back to the enemy status.”

“Fat chance of that happening,” Tia states, lying down next to me.

“What do you think will happen, Tee?” I ask her, feeling more confused than ever.

“I don’t think you two are gonna go back to being enemies; maybe friends. But you do know there’s something…special…between you two right?”

“I just can’t place my finger on it,” I reply.

“He likes you,” she states, and I have a feeling I know exactly what she means, “Do you like him?” she asks me.

I take a deep breath. I’ve thought about this after the shower I had today morning, and I know exactly what to say.

“No,” I lie. That’s what I’m about to do to everyone who asks me that question: lie. I make a mental note to tell Archie that I don’t have a crush on Ryan after all; that it was just my emotions taking over.

I’ve decided that this isn’t what Ryan needs right now, this isn’t what I need right now, and if I deny anything between the two of us, then everything will fade. It’s not meant to be anyway. We’re too different, and at times too similar, to be together. It’s just one of those things that don’t happen.

“Whatever you say, girl,” Tia says, “But I think you still need some cheering up.”

“You know me too well, Tee,” I say, smiling over at her. There are many reasons Tia is one of my best friends. Mainly, she understands me in ways Sabby fails to. Yes, he’s like a brother to me, but that’s sort of the point. A friend usually understands you a bit more than a brother does. Okay, that’s messed up. Tia provides the girly company I’ve needed since growing up with Archie, Sabby and the twins. She just joined school this academic year, but we met each other in the music camp we attended last year.

We both just sort of clicked. And I somehow convinced her to join our school. She was always complaining about hers anyway.

“Where’s Archie’s guitar?” she asks me, wandering out of my room and into Archie’s. That wonderful brother of mine is doing his Masters in Doctors, or something like that, in the college closer to our school. He attends afternoon classes, therefore he isn’t at home right now.