Butterfly Years

Chapter 13

“Ryan?” I asked timidly into my mobile.

“Hey Syaz,” I heard him smiling, “What’s up?”

“Uh…” I stuttered, looking at Tia for help. ‘Meet him’ Tia mouthed at me.

“Can you meet me somewhere tomorrow?” I asked him. My heart was hammering against my chest. Was I really finally doing this?

“I don’t think I can,” Ryan stated, his voice completely void of emotion. It wasn’t his words that hurt me, it was the way in which he said them. Like this didn’t matter to him. Like I didn’t matter to him.

“Why not?” I asked, my voice soft and vulnerable. I turned away from Tia absentmindedly, not wanting her to listen in.

“I have work to do,” came the cold reply.

“Maybe I can help you?” I asked, suddenly desperate to be around him, to hear him laugh and see him smile.

“No Syaz, it’s okay,” he said.

“Ryan, something’s wrong, right?” I asked slowly, wincing as I heard my voice wobble.

Ryan sighed into the mobile. “Syaz, I have work to do,” he said finally. I heard voices in the background, and could hear something like boxes being moved.

I bit onto my lip as tears brimmed in my eyes. It was clear as day that he was avoiding me. “O-okay,” I said softly.

Just then, I heard someone crying from his end. “R-Ryan?” I stammered, “Is that Jen crying?!”

When he didn’t reply, a tear escaped my eye as the image of Jen looking small and sad that night came to my mind.

“Ryan, do you need my help? Should I come over?” I asked, my voice getting stronger and more determined.

“No Syaz,” he finally snapped, “I don’t need your help. I’m fine. I’m just… fine.”

“Okay,” I repeated, “Fine then. I have to go now. See you in school on Monday.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “Okay. And Syaz?”

“Mmh?” I asked, a bubble of hope rising in my chest.

“Never mind. Bye.” And with that, Ryan cut the call.

I trudged back to the bed and dropped my mobile beside my pillow, burying my head in the latter.

“What did he say?” Tia asked, lying down beside me.

“He’s too busy,” I whispered into my pillow.

Too busy for me.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Come Monday, Ryan wasn’t in his usual place during homeroom. In fact, he wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“He’s probably just late, Syazza,” Sabby said when I shot yet another look at Ryan’s empty table. I nodded slowly, smiling hesitantly at him before looking down at my bare hands.

“Haven’t you two talked over the weekend or something?” Sabby asked, taking my hand in his and rubbing it soothingly.

I nodded, and proceeded to tell him about my conversation with Ryan on Friday.

“It’s okay,” Sabby said, “He must have been just busy.” He seemed to be having a problem believing his own words.

I had study hall as my last class on Monday. Sadly, neither Tia nor Sabby shared that period with me. When I trudged into the library, mind set on getting my biology homework done, the librarian stopped me on my way to a table near the window.