make it stop (let this end)

he was going to do this. he was really going to do this. is it a bad idea? no, no it's not. may li has a wife for flips sake! they won't care. will they?

so ryan was panicking a little bit, and the reason?

he had officially decided to come out.

for a long time he'd known that he didn't like girls in the same way other male residents did and he wasn't sure how to feel about the revelation.

he just saw them more as friends, people he could talk to. an example of this is when carmen comforted (yes, carmen) the - then - fourteen year old when she found out he liked boys.

—————

ryan had been at ashdene ridge for about 2 months when he had started to develop a small crush on one of the boys in his class. he didn't realise it was a crush per se, he just assumed that the fluttery feeling in his stomach came with finally making a friend.

he had only connected the dots when the boy, dylan, started dating his other friend cassie. there was a lingering feeling of jealousy whenever he saw them together but he couldn't put his finger on it.

at first, ryan wondered if it was cassie he liked. it made the most sense in his barely fourteen year old mind and so that's what he convinced himself with for about three weeks.

after a small while he eventually discovered that he was looking at cassie when the jealousy reared it's ugly head. he wanted to be her, wanted to be with dylan.

it was an... interesting thing to come to terms with.

and once he had figured it out, it was like the thought couldn't go away. he would see them walking down the hall when his mind would nag at him you like dylan.

sure, it had only been three weeks but his confused brain was muddled with all these emotions which he didn't know what to do with. he felt odd, knowing what he did about himself but what was he supposed to do? it's very hard to ignore your own mind.

ryan had no idea what to do with himself, to be honest he was afraid to talk about it. what if they weren't accepting here?

also, he'd only been at the 'dumping ground' (as the other residents called it) for a short period of time, they probably didn't even care about what he had to say.

that's why, at the end of a school day, ryan found himself moping on the bench in the back garden.

—————

carmen had a rubbish day.

first of all, she had no idea her history project was due in and she ended up having a lunchtime detention. and the teacher was late so she had to stay there longer than necessary, making her late for the next class.

so when she got back, carmen was hoping to feel sorry for herself in the garden when she saw the latest addition, ryan, doing the same thing.

ugh, she really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone but he was sitting on the only bench. she stomped over to it and sat herself diagonally to the skinny boy.