With out You

May 18

As I shuffled the keys in the lock to open the door, i pushed aside all the negative thoughts and tried my best to act normal.I strolled inside the carter residence, I can hear my dad's radio from the shower upstairs. I wasnt avoiding him, just the topic. I casually opened my bedroom door, dropped everything and decided to plop myself on my computer chair and stare at the walls. Either that or start my homework.

Who does that?

I heard the water turn off and within 10 minutes my dad was back into his suit, tie and leather jacket. he knocked on my already cracked open door.

I drew my attention off the wall and to the door as he walked in, comfortably taking a seat on the side of my unmade bed.

Basing of of his vibe, I thought to myself

"whats the worst that could happen?". And with that I offered a slight smile and rolled my chair over to sit beside him.

"Hi dad " I said normally. "Your home early."

"For once, we finally finished that clients bike up today. Now we just have to suprise him with it."

He laughed at the suprise part, since the client mostly already knows what its going to look like at the end. Yet they always seem so shocked and amazed as their visions come to life right before their eyes.

"How was school today honey?"

Nadene's reputation shattered in my mind as the flashback of her dirty little secrete danced through my memory. I smiled at the thought

"its school dad, its not that exciting to begin with." 

"Oh Cmon, I bet its not that bad. remember. stay away from boys. And  dont do drugs. you here me?" His tone was serious.

No matter what the conversation is about my dad always squeezes that phrase in.  He's been telling me this since i was ten years old, and has been reminding me whenever he got the chance to.

I understood why. drugs was the thing that nearly killed him. tore apart his relationship with his family when he was in high school, and influenced him to get my mom knocked up in the first place. he didnt walk a clears paved path when he was younger, and I knew he would do anything to prevent me from following in his steps.

But how the hell was I supposed to stay away from boys when im a teenage girl. Its in my nature to basically be drawn to them. For god sake my bestfriend is a boy.

"yes dad, I know I know."

"Good. Honey Im not going to be here tonight, I have a dinner meeting with that client. Hes considering investing in my business if all goes well." Im really excitied for this one Jay . I know I havn't been home latley, but this is why. his excitment entertwined with his words.Please don't feel Im ignoring you." He said grabbing my hands.

The fact that he thought about my feeling made me all sappy.

"Dad, its okay, I understand why you stay late and i know its for the better. But sometimes, leave me money for dinner at least ! I mean cmon, would you like to have cereal for a three nights in a row? "

we both laughed, and he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you for understanding sweetheart. Oh, and heres ten dollars for tonight ." he pulled away with that heart warming smile that i swear all fathers did when they felt satisfied with a meaning full conversation.

"okay honey, well im going to go now, do your homework. And clean up your room a bit, it looks like a tornado of clothes ran through it. Just saying."

I chuckled. he wasn't lying, deciding what to wear in the mornings was tough. and Im way too lazy to clean it up when I get home, so it kinda just stays out on display until it eventually makes its way back into my closet.

"I'll think abut it. Have fun dad,  good luck!"

In a matter of seconds I was home alone again, and drowned in silence.Wow. He really didn't notice that I was out partying till dawn, underage drinking with a whole bunch of guys more than willing to hit it and run. If my dad ever finds out about that night, Im dead .

Not even ten minutes later I found myself sitting at the edge of my computer, writing away about the crazyness that happened today. It's not a diary, but not a journal.  Its more of a blog I guess?

May 18

Looks like the wind is finally blowing my way . I know someones dirty little secret and i have the power to break her sweet reputation. If I choose to not keep my mouth shut about this.
That burdon that I've been carrying since friday is finally lifted. Im in the safezone.
The assclown still makes  multiple attempts to make an appearance in my day. Like yesterday, he asked if he can carry my books to my class.
The fuck was that?
Im not used to this type kindness from him, but I honestly dont know how to take it. I'm following my instict and brushing it off, its just something about him that is...

Suddenly i heard knockng on the front door. I was confused, yet curiose. I wasnt expecting anyone. Did dads little dinner date get cancelled or something?

My blog can wait. Whos reading about my life drama everyday anyways?

I went for the front door, i can see a masculine figure through the clouded glass. Expecting my dad, i plastered a genuine smile on my face and opened the door only to find Shawn grinning at me as his eyes met mine. He quickly glided past me and confortably headed straight to the kitchen as if this was his house.

"My house got so boring without Evan so I figured I crash here. Dont mind if I take one do you? "

Holding up a cookie we had in the jar on the counter, he didnt wait for me to reply and selfishly shoved it on his mouth.

"Too late." I said taken back at his rather comfortable rude behavior that was really gettin on my nerves.

"Sounds like a you problem. and yes, I do mind."

"Doll face I bet we can make some fun out of this night. " he said smirking.

"How funny you forgot, we have school tomorrow. "

"Its not like we'll be up all night Jade , stop stressing."

"No. I have homework and you have a lonely house to go back to. Sorry, not sorry."

"Jeez Jade, dont be so cold." He said faking pain in his voice.

"Not cold, smart. Now get the hell out of my house."

"And if I dont?"

"Dont test me Rivera."

"Oh but I indeed want to experience the thrill of being threatened by the Jade Carter." Obviously sounding as sarcastic as possible.

"Shawn. If you dont stop pissing me off I am going to shove my fist so far up your ass you'll start speaking broken english. So I advise you to put more pep in your step and take your lonely bored ass out of my house just as quick as you came in. "

"Alright Ms.Carter,  but you owe me a fun night. I would tell you what it is, but you already knew that. "

Shawn's eyes peirced through mine with a knowing look as that seductive smirk played at the corner of his lips. God he knew how to captivate someone with those hazel orbs.

But I wont let myself fall for them this time. I definitly knew what a "fun night" was. How could I forget? It was one of the nights I regret the most.