Shards of Glass

Chapter One

~*Tanya*~

I was trying to scream, but a large hand was over my mouth. My eyes were shut tight in pain. Why wasn’t this ending? Why was he doing this?

I tried struggling, but I was held tightly in place. I could feel my soft mattress beneath me, and I could hear a heavy breathing coming from above me. But none of that registered in my head. All I felt was pain.

 I opened my eyes and saw cold black ones staring back at me. His expression was so different from the loving, friendly one I was used to.

“Stop it! Please, stop it!” my panic-stricken voice was muffled, but he heard it.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “It’ll be over soon, beautiful.”

I felt like it would never end.

I shot up in bed, my eyes wide open. My face was covered in cold sweat, and I was breathing heavily.

Eight years. Eight years and I still had nightmares about it. He couldn’t reach me now, but I still lived in constant fear – that he would suddenly surprise me here and pick up where he had left off. It was a childish fear but one that would last forever, I knew.

At least now I could get away from this place. From this bed, where that incident had taken place so many years ago. From this house, where my “closest friend on earth” used to come over every day. From my friends, who would constantly give me worried looks whenever I had a boyfriend.  And most of all, from my parents, who had constantly tiptoed around me over the years, worried that anything they did or said would set me off.

That fateful night had changed my parents' lives as much as it did mine. They had returned home that night to find their daughter curled up in bed, shivering in fear and pain. After gently asking me a few questions, their doubts had been confirmed.

There had been a huge uproar. The police were called, Ryan had been found guilty, and even though he’d fled on the night of my tenth birthday, they’d found him within a couple of weeks and had taken him away to jail.

Ryan being in jail didn’t change the fact that my life would never be the same. I never got to experience any of the normal things that the other ten-year-olds experienced. I never played with Barbies or stuffed toys. I never kept a birthday party again, never played musical chairs again with my friends. When I reached my teens, I never had a boyfriend for more than two weeks, because they always expected more than I could give them.

He had ruined my life.

But at least college was finally going to begin. A new place, new friends, and a whole new life basically. It was finally time to move on.

***

 “Tanya?”

I turned around from my packing to see my mother standing at the door of my room, fidgeting with her bangles – a nervous habit of hers.

“Hey, Ma. What’s up?”

She came in and sat on my bed, a worried expression on her face. Her light brown eyes – the mirror image of my own – were troubled.

 “Tani, dear,” she began, still fidgeting with her bangles. “Are you... are you sure you’re ready for this? Are you sure you don’t want to go to a college that’s closer to home?”

Not this again.

“Ma, I’ve told you a million times before, MJU is my dream school. I’ve always wanted to go there, and I’m not changing my mind now. So yes, I’m sure I’m ready for college.”

“But - ,”

“Ma,” I cut her off. “It’s been a long time.”

We both knew what I was referring to.

She cast her eyes down. “I know it has, sweetie. But your father and I are just worried about you.”

“You’ve got to allow me to move on, Ma, or I never will. And I’m definitely ready to move on. I need a fresh start.”

She looked at me uncertainly for a few moments. I could tell she wanted to say more, but my firm gaze kept her quiet. Understanding that I did not want to dwell on this topic anymore, she got up to leave. She hesitated for a second, worry etched on every line of her face as she touched my face gently.

“Just stay careful, Tani sweetheart.”

“I will.”

*** 

My mother hugged me for the millionth time as we stood at the railway station. Her eyes were bright with tears, and she kept sniffling every now and then.

“Oh, Tani, I’m going to miss you so much,” a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.

“Ma,” I said, laughing a little. “I’m not going away forever. I’ll be back for Diwali.”

She sighed. “It seems so far away, though.”

I looked towards my father for some help, but he just shrugged and gave an apologetic grin.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” I assured my mother. “Now I really have to go, Ma, if I want to get there on time.”

She sniffled some more and then nodded. “Okay. Stay safe, sweetie.”

I gave her a reassuring smile and told her that I would. Then I turned to my father and gave him a tight squeeze.

“Look at my baby girl, all grown up,” he said, a proud tone in his deep baritone voice. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“You worry too much, Papa. I’ll be fine.”

He gave me a long, searching look before nodding. “I know you will. Call us when you’ve reached.”

“Okay, Papa, I will,” I assured him.

Then, saying my final goodbyes to them, I got onto the train just as the final siren screeched through the still morning air and settled down at my seat. The train chugged slowly out of the station and I stared out the window as it picked up speed, leaving my tormented past and haunted memories behind.

I was ready for a fresh start. Finally.