Heal Me, Love Me

chapter 2

It's already been a couple weeks back at school, and getting back into the pattern of trying to sleep a reasonable amount of hours is extremely difficult for me. Not only do I have stacks of work piled up, I keep having the same nightmare about Sam, and each one is worse than the others in some way.

My small apartment is lonely and hot in the summer months of Australia. My air conditioner has been broken for a couple of months now, but I can't bring myself to make a call to a repairman. I'm not ready to socialise yet, especially over the phone.

School has been a major drag, my brain has been flooded with important year 12 information, but I love it. I love letting myself get lost in my schoolwork. Not only do I find it extremely rewarding to get good grades, but I have nothing else to do or no one else to get distracted by.

It's now a super sunny Sunday morning and I'm basking in the heat of the blistering sun radiating onto my front veranda.

Mum said she'd be here at 9, but it's already 9:30. I sigh, I didn't expect her to be on time anyway.

My mind is pulled back into reality when my mother sings my name.

"Mirandaaa" her smooth voice is caressing, and painfully nostalgic. No one calls me Miranda anymore.

She wraps her arm around me, hugging me tight, and then pulling me away from her and holding me at arm's length, assessing me. I can smell the liquor on her breath.

She tuts quietly, and hugs me again.

"Oh Mia, you've lost so much weight. How have you been?" Her voice is caring, oh I really miss this side of my mother.

"Lonely," I give a shy smile "but I'm okay! Would you like a drink?" My manners override me, and I'm surprised the words come out of my mouth. Why am I so nervous?

"Oh yes please, I'd love one."

She follows me inside, staring unimpressed at the overall look of my small apartment.

"Darling, why don't you live with me again. Please. I've been sober for a month now - for you." She exasperates, and for a split second a flash of worry appears in her eyes.

I scoff, astonished by my mother's depth.

"I like living on my own. You know I like feeling independent. I'm glad you're sober, but you should've decided to do it years ago, ma. Anyways, I don't want to cramp you and Gary." I assure.

I like Gary, but I don't think my mother is the right person for him. Definitely not. His calm personality does not belong with her manipulative attitude.

"Oh, of course." Her quick change of subject throws me off, she normally puts up a fight, but I decide not to ask, not today.

"How is school? Do you have enough money?" My mother takes a long sip of tea.

"School is great mum. I have more than enough to get by until I can manage a job."

"You said you were lonely. Why don't you come back home. I'm sure you'll feel better at home. Sam wouldn't like you-"

"Stop" I take a deep breath

"Don't you dare bring Sam into this, I'm not coming home. End of discussion."

She looks repulsed, like what I've said has hurt her.

"I'm not ready" I add.

She looks down at me, with her motherly glare. Oh I wish she understood, but she doesn't, she never has.

"Very well then. I'll be on my way. I'm going on a cruise with some of my girlfriends. I won't be back until March." Her lips set into a grim line, and she storms out of the house