cheer up «» phan

new boy

dans pov
🌸 trigger warning 🌸
***
i've waited all this week. for you to walk my way. your soul will capture me
***

i woke up like any other day. feeling more tired than before i went to bed. i lay in bed for about ten more minutes. i knew i should get up, but i didn't want to. i could just tell my mum i felt sick.

but i felt 'sick' too often.

i got up and only had ten minutes to get ready. i opened my wardrobe, grabbed a light lavender sweater, white ripped skinny jeans, and my flower crown.

i went to the bathroom. i took off my shirt and looked in the mirror. what i saw was disgusting. it made me want to puke. i looked away and put on my shirt, trying not to think about the harm i did last night.

i finished getting ready and went downstairs.

i skipped breakfast. i didn't have time to eat.

but who am i kidding. i wouldn't have ate breakfast anyways.

***
i was now in second period. i made my way to the back like usual. nothing drastic had happened today. yet.

the only thing that happened was a kid called me a bitch.

but i saw a new kid walk in right before the bell rang.

the teacher introduced him as phil lester. and phil was absolutely gorgeous. he had a black fringe and a leather jacket. he had snakebite lip piercings. and earrings. and an arm sleeve tattoo.

but his eyes. they were blue with a bit of green and yellow. we made eye contact for a second and i looked down immediately. my hands were trembling slightly. i'm not that great with people.

he sat two seats in front of me so didn't really pay attention to the lesson because i was staring at him the entire time.

i was snapped out of my daze when the bell rang.

***

he wasn't in my third period class, but he was in my lunch.

i sat alone like usual, eating an apple. i saw him holding his lunch tray, looking for somewhere to sit.

he looked at me but looked the other way when someone called his name. levi, a kid who usually bullies me, wanted phil to sit with him. and that was fine. it's not like i actually had a chance of having a real friend.

but phil turned around and walked my way.

i started to shake.

holy shit holy shit holy shit dan you better not fuck up.

he sat next to me and i looked down.

"hey, you're in my maths class."

"um yeah i am."

"what's you're name?"

"dan."

"cool. i'm phil."

"i know."

great job dan you fucked up he hates you he's gonna leave.

i finally looked up into his beautiful, beautiful eyes. he held my gaze than looked at my apple.

"is that all you're gonna eat? you can have some of mine if you want."

thinking about eating right now didn't sound right. i didn't even wanna finish my apple.

"no it's o-kay i ate a big breakfast."

i looked down again and played with the hem of my shirt. he picked up his burger and started eating.

"you looked lonely so i decided to sit with you."

i could feel my cheeks heating up. he put down his burger and focused on me. "you don't talk much do you?" i shook my head no, not trusting my voice. "that's okay," he said, " at least you can listen."

i could feel myself shaking more and more. my chest tightened and my breathing became more rapid. phil looked a bit worried.

wow he's gonna hate you if he finds out anything.

"are you alright, dan?"

"uh y-eah i just need to u-use the bathroom."

i bolted out of the lunch room and went to the nearest bathroom. luckily, no one was in there. i went into the nearest stall, and locked it immediately.

i started crying and i couldn't control my breathing and i didn't know what to do.

until i heard his voice.

"dan? are you in here?"

he must've heard my sobbing. he tried to open the stall i was in.

damn how much can you fuck up in one day?

"please open the door, dan. it's either you open up or i'm crawling on the floor and under the door. and i really don't wanna do that cause these floors don't look that clean."

i decided to open the door. what else could i do?

his jaw dropped as soon as he saw me. red puffy eyes with tear stains on my cheeks. i must've looked like shit.

but he didn't run away. he didn't start laughing or making fun of me. he tried helping.

"can you match my breathing? in and out, yeah you got it."

and he helped me.

"so can you tell me what happened?" he asked after i calmed down a bit.

i was scared, i'll admit that. but for some reason, i felt like i could trust phil. he didn't seem like he was playing a trick on me or that he hated me. he just seemed like he wanted to help.

so i felt like i could tell him.

"i j-ust got anxious. s-sorry."

"that looked like more than 'just anxious' to me. do you feel sick? do you need to go home?"

nonononononono

"no, it's okay, i'm just n-ot that good with people."

"that's okay."

we stayed in the bathroom until the bell rang again.

***
don't forget that you're beautiful. no matter what you think ~🌸