REDO

0 (Casy P.O.V)

I couldnt open my eyes.. I couldnt really breathe right. I was gasping, and every tiny motion I used for gasping hurted like hell. I felt like the food in your intestines turning into shit for your arse to shit out.

I groaned. A cold hand draped onto my forehead. It was a relief to me 'cuz I was burning. My head hurt, my whole body hurt.

"Casey.. My litle Angel"

Mamas voice.. It was mama's voice.. I hadn't heard or seen my family for so long since I moved to another state with Cole. Did they come all this way for me?.. I had to open my eyes.

"mom?" I croaked, but it still came as a whisper

My eyes wouldn't open. I wanted to see my mom, but I couldn't fight the pain. Mom didnt answer me. It was like I hadn't said a word.

I felt her tears fall onto my face. I could hear her sobs. And I felt scared. Not in the way I felt scared when Cole left, but in the dreadful way. Like you arent scared, but your heart dropped to your feet dreadful scared.

The last time i ever heard her cry like this was when her dad died...

I could hear nurses. I could hear shouts and them telling my mom to leave. I could hear them calling for the doctor and most of all, I could hear my heart rate on the monitor reaching higher and higher.

I felt fine, I wanted to open my eyes and tell at everyone that I was fine. I was conscious, I felt like shit but not dead.

"Shes dead." the doctor stopped what he was doing. The Heart rate monitor made no heart beat sound.

"IM NOT DEAD" I wanted to tell, but I couldn't.

The doctor went out to tell my family. I could hear their cries echoing into the room. I could feel my body growing cold with the dead.

But.. I couldnt be dead.. I'm right here.. right here....

I'm scared. If I'm dead, why isnt there a light? Was I going to hell? If I'm dead, why am I still here... I wanted to cry, cry out in agony, in pain, in everything.

I started trying to kick, to yell, to deny the fact that I was dead. I yelled, but couldnt yell. It was like when you tried to yell in your dreams, when you try to run but for some reason cant. I cried out, but no sound came.. I knew.. I knew i was dying or dead. i dont even know. All i know, is that I was still pretty much alive in my consciousness. My body may have died, but I wasnt.. I wasnt.

I'm going to yell, to kick, to scream. I dont care, I don't care. I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive.

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"HOLD HER BACK" the doctor yelled

I kicked and I screamed, and I yelled. I wanted to laugh with joy. I felt my warm body, my sore asf body, and most of all, I could hear my heart beating on the monitor.

I cried out, and I could. I yelled and yelled and yelled like a mad man.

"IM ALIVE, IM ALIVE, IM ALIVE" I wanted to scream those words and not just scream.

I felt the needle, and the cool of the liquid being injected into my arm. I slept.

The last feeling I felt before drifting into nothingness was joy. Because for some reason,

I was alive once more.

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I woke up. I could open my eyes. And I could see my mom, my dad, and my sister Ardah. They looked like the dead. Bags under their eyes.

Mom was crying and I wanted to shout IM NOT DEAD, IM NOT DEAD, IM NOT DEAD, and hug mama, but my voice came out as a gasp

"I'm not dead"

Mom cupped my face in her hands and kissed my eye.

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I was drifting in and out of everything. It was like I was still battling something in order for me to stay in the body that somehow wasnt suppose to be alive...

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It was a whole month before I came to  full consciousness and out of my drifting coma.

Everytime i woke up, I would yell for Cole. Everytime I was only a second awake, I remembered Cole. And maybe, I felt deep inside that he wasnt dead. Maybe like me, he wasnt dead.

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When I awoke, my body no longer hurted. It was most definitely sore asf, but not broken... nor dead.

When I saw my family I was confused, they looked so much younger, not old and when I looked at myself, I didnt look like the 26 year old me.. I looked, well 16...

God, I panicked. I screamed, I yelled, I kicked. and I denied myself of my face.

I ran out of my hospital room.

"STOP HERR" one of the nurses yelled as I ran out onto the street in my hospital gown.

I stilled completely when I saw where I was. Back in my hometown. Not my home state with Cole, but back home with my family...

What. The hell. Was happening.

I was having a panicked attack. I was panicking and I couldnt. I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't. Then i cried and cried. i dont know. I just..  cried.

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After a week of denial came confusion and acceptance. I was most definitely in the past. If i really did die, I dont know. Was this heaven? Repeating my life? I dont know.

But... i accepted and... I'll go along with this for now.. and maybe I'll find my answers... But for now.. The future is dead and the past is

Alive.