I Can't Do This Anymore (Percy Jackson)

Chapter Five

Percy

It had been a few months that had gone by before anyone from camp really stopped in. Outside of close friends, really. Which has been weird, but peaceful.

We got uh... A visitor. And I didn't recognize him right away. Grover hasn't been around as much lately. None of them have. I hadn't put much thought to it.

"Who..." And then I realized who it was, after remembering what Zeus had said this last summer in Greece. "Apollo? What are you doing? You look like shit."

He kind of chuckled.

"Yeah, I figured." He told me, rubbing his neck. "Um, I was in the area. You're not at camp anymore, but I figured the least I could do is say hi. Nico's missing again. Well, not missing. Some Demigods know, but Chiron declared him missing. I figured you might want to know that, too."

"I..." I haven't seen a god since I told my dad to fuck off and left camp, if you want to include Mr. D in the bunch. "Why?"

"Well," he said and shrugged. I let him inside. Nico was at art club right now, so it's not like that shock will come. Paul, of course, was at work. Mom was meeting with her editor. So I was alone. But that's okay. I'm used to it. "I don't know. Leo didn't even suggest it, he's already back at Camp. I just saw the building and I felt like I should stop by and check in on you. From what I've heard, nobody else really has on Olympus."

"You didn't have to," I insisted, offering him a snack. I was surprised that he actually took it, being a good and all. "I mean, I kind of told Poseidon to fuck off. But uh... What's going on with the look? Are you going through a thing or...?"

"What? No!" Apollo told me, realizing I was out of the loop. "I suppose you're not really caught in the loop anymore. Father wasn't very happy with me due to Octovain's raid. I'm a mortal now. For now. I have to prove myself somehow, I'm not really sure. But it's not a phase. I'm stuck like this. You're... Somehow looking better and worse."

I nodded my head, taking a bite out of one of our cookies my mom made the other day.

"It's an adjustment." I admitted that much to the now former god. "To just close it off like that. But it's been good. I still have a few friends that call, drop in when they can. I'm a lot less stressed that's for sure. Um..."

"You're less depressed," even as a mortal, he could tell. Apollo has always known of my mental state. He could be careless, sure. But he always seemed to want to back off of us in contrary to his dad. I think it had to do with being able to feel it. Pain. "I don't have to have some fucking power to see that. Of course, you've always been happier when you're home with your mom. But even so, you're getting better, yeah?"

I nodded my head.

"Yeah," I agreed with that statement, kind of proud of it. "It was rough at first. Really rough. But I've had somebody to help me through it. It's progress. And by the way, Nico isn't missing. My mom found out he was homeless and fostered him. He lived here now, he's at a school thing right now. I don't think he even knows that he's missing."

Apollo kind of chuckled.

"He wouldn't care either way," he pointed out to me, glancing at the time. "But I should probably head out. They're expecting me back soon. And you know what happens when I'm not."

He said goodbye, and when he opened the door, he stopped for a second.

"Apollo?"

Suddenly, he was hugging me. And it was kind of weird because I expected a hug from him to be a lot different. I'd never expect one out him. But here we we're.

"Thank you," he told me, sounding more genuine that I've ever heard from a god. "For putting up with our shit. You didn't have to, you could've walked out a long time ago like you wanted to. You're the reason we're still alive. As much as they treat you like shit, Percy, the gods do find you important. Why do you think you haven't been visited by one since you left?"

He let me think about it.

"Take care of yourself, Percy."

And then he left. As if it was nothing.

•••

I got an invitation that night by all chances of irony. It was for Tyson. He's 16 now. For his birthday.

With that, there was a letter from Poseidon. He said that he knew I was probably still pretty upset with him. But if I could make it to the party, he wanted to talk to me. He knew I'd never to back. But maybe just to ease tension. I don't know.

I RSVP'd either way. The party was in like two days. I didn't have much time to prepare. Physically, mentally, or emotionally.

But when I actually got there, there wasn't many people that showed up. I was it, actually. Aside a few people that live with Dad and Tyson.

"Where is everyone?" I asked my brother as I gave him the present I had gotten him the day before. "Did I get the wrong time?"

"No, you're on time!" He assured me, putting the present down on a table. "Dad told me they camp has problems again. A lot of them probably won't be allowed to leave. They did a recall, apparently. For summer campers."

"Oh," I said. "Okay!"

So that's why they stopped visiting and calling so often.

The party itself went well. I was able to handle it aside one small moment when I had to sneak to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Which, my dad followed me. Because I had just gone to the bathroom.

"Percy, you went to the bathroom five minutes ago." My dad's voice scared the shit out of me being I wasn't expecting it to follow me here. I jumped. "What are you doing in the bathroom?"

"I have anxiety," I reminded him, slowly calming down. "I just have to make sure my breathing is under control... And I'll be fine."

"You sure?" This idea of anxiety seemed fairly new to him somehow. "Do you want me to get you anything or...?"

"No, it's fine."

I took another fifteen or so seconds to relax and just breathe before going back to the party.

By some fucking miracle, I was fine the rest of the time.

Of course, he wanted to talk, though.

"Are you doing okay?" My dad asked me, sounding like he gave a shit. "Somebody uh... I don't remember who being it was a while ago now, they told me you had tried to kill yourself. Is that true?"

I was totally blanking being I really don't remember much from when I did that.

"When?" I asked, because I've tried aside that one time. Some before I knew him. Some not.

"Um... Like not longer after I saw you last." My dad clarified. "It was a demigod that told me. I'm not she who. It was recently enough, though "

"Oh!" It came back to me. "Yeah. Sorry, that one is fuzzy. I don't remember most of it. But yeah."

I shrugged.

"It was dumb." I knew what he was going to tell me. So I said it now. "Tartarus had been messing with me. I had a bad summer. It just happened. It's over."

"It won't happen again?"

"Well I can't promise you that," I wasn't making empty promises, either. "I have depression, anxiety, and gods know what else. It just happens sometimes. Eventually it won't. But it does right now and yeah. I take meds and stuff. So don't worry. I'll be fine."