Knots

A Little Unsteady.

03. "A Little Unsteady."

"There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself."
-Eckhart Tolle

KU PILLAI

"Oh my God, what have I done?" Ku murmured under her breath as she watched her father be wheeled away towards one of the CT rooms. Grace and Rosie were plastered to the spots in which they stood, turning to Doctor Rowell with begging eyes and trembling feet. Ku knew almost instantly, in between several frantic breaths, that she had to take over this case as his aid; there just wasn't another possible solution to keep her reputation safe.

"I know you three are probably very eager to get involved with this case but there's about two dozen minor injuries I need attended, and Doctor Tucker is up my ass for assistance with a trauma; so I'll be dividing you three personally."

Grace and Rosie held hands while Ku simply wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes darting quickly across the room; in search of something she couldn't even entirely fathom. She tried to remind her hands to stop twitching, tried to put the smiling mask back on her face and carry out business, but her emotions seemed to be outweighing her logic. With quick words and a heavy heart she made her false plea, "Doctor Rowell, no disrespect to my colleagues, but this is the specialty I want to pursue. My interest, as obviously stated yesterday, supersedes theirs. I NEED to be a general surgeon because this world is goddamn tired of seeing perfectly good people lose themselves and their families for no good reason."

Rowell seemed to pause, everyone seemed to pause, and for a moment Ku couldn't tell the difference between over stepping her boundaries and being a logical surgeon; but the next seemed to change everything.

"Right, Pillai you're with me in CT room one, prep for a possible medical examination, and page orthopedics on five about a possible assessment for amputation. I don't want you to breathe until we've come to the conclusion that John Doe is inoperable, got it?"

Ku stared at Rowell briefly, taken aback by his sudden outburst of kindness in spite of her dejected breakdown; however she nodded all the same and took a step towards him with her chart squeezed tightly in hand.

"Doctor Jones, contact Doctor Simon and meet Avery for your assignment."

Rosie nodded reluctantly and proceeded away from the group of interns and medical personnel, obviously disappointed in relation to her experience hours ago.

"And you," Doctor Rowell noted, pointing to Grace, "see Chief Tucker in O.R one stat, prepare to scrub in. Welcome to the second step of the hardest day in your career Doctor Young."

On an average day, Ku would be infuriated, confused that such an inexperienced creature could get to experience the first intern surgery, and with the Chief Resident no less, but today was staked entirely on routine she had failed. Nothing could have prepared her for this moment, and nothing would prepare her for the confession that was bound to slip through the cracks sooner or later.

"Got it," Grace repeated, "Chief Tucker, O.R one, stat."

Rowell gave her a slight nod and smile before taking off in the opposite direction, and Ku, a woman of many faces, stared lifelessly ahead before shadowing.

8:50 P.M

REGGIE SIMON

"Mister Joseph," Doctor Avery began from outside of the examination room, "since my interns have clearly discussed with you the nature of Miss Summing's injuries, I believe it's important that we need to discuss what happens next."