Blue Christmas

Chapter 6- "Now it's my turn to ask 'what?'"

I walk with Zeke out of his apartment and into his car for the last day of school for the semester. "Are you excited," Zeke asks me.

I look up from my phone, "huh?"

"Are you excited," he says again.

I run a hand through my wet, stringy hair and slide my phone into my back pocket, "what do you mean?"

"In half a year, you'll be a junior."

"Oh," I shrug, "I don't know. You're really the only person I have at school, and you won't be there next year."

He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close, "have you talked to your mom at all?"

I think back to the text I had typed on my phone: hey mom, I'm sorry I left... I'm not going to come back, but I feel I need some sort of closure. I erase the text from my mind and shake my head, "no."

Zeke opens the passenger door for me and I climb in, placing my bag by my feet. He takes his spot in front of the wheel and starts his car. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and click on my mom's contact: hey mom, I just want to say I'm really sorry. I don't want to come home, but I just wanted to get that off my chest. I hover my thumb over the 'send' button, but change my mind and delete the message. "Breakfast?"

I jump at the sound of Zeke's voice, "I'm sorry, what?"

Zeke frowns at me and places a hand on my shoulder, "are you okay?"

I nod my head, bouncing my phone up and down in my hands, "why wouldn't I be?"

"You kind of left your mom by herself."

I bite my lip and put my phone away, "I'm fine. Do you have practice today?"

Zeke removes his hand from my shoulder and looks out the window, "no, but I have a game. Are you going to come?"

I look down at my feet, "you know I don't go to your games because I don't want to sit by myself..." I watch Zeke's facial features turn into a frown, "sorry."

"It's fine," he says to me, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

I groan, "no, it's not. You've been here for me more than enough, the least I could do is go to your game tonight."

"I'm glad you'll be there." He pulls into the school's parking lot and we both walk into the school to go to our classes.

~~~

I wait outside for Zeke, regretting my agreement to go to his game. I see him emerge from a crowd of people as he walks over to me, "go get her Zeke," I hear one of his friends yell a little too loudly.

Zeke shakes his head and sits next to me on the bench, putting an arm around me and pulling me close. I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh, "I miss my dad... a lot."

He starts to rub my shoulder, "I know."

"I feel like, if he didn't leave, my mom and I wouldn't be fighting, you'd be able to meet my dad, he'd love you, and everything would just be fine." I take a big breath, trying to avoid crying in front of the most crowded place after school.

"It'll be okay, I'm sure everything will work out," Zeke tells me gently.

"But you don't know that! I haven't seen, heard, or read anything about the war. What if he's dead, Zeke?" I sit up and turn on the bench, "I know I've said this about a thousand times, but I don't know how I could manage without my dad."

He stands up and motions for me to follow him. We arrive at his car and we both take our seats, he grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, "no one will see you in here."

"So what," I say quietly.

"I know you're on the verge of crying. You can let it all out in front of me." I protest at first, but then start to think about my dad. I imagine him coming home from a late night at work, he doesn't tell me anything because of the confidentiality law. He always smelt like that weird hospital smell. Every time I fell and scraped my knee when I was little, he was always there before I even realized what happened.

I let the tears start falling from my face, "I don't think I can do this, Zeke."

I cry and cry, letting my hair fall in my face, "don't say that." He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. He brushes my hair out of my face and I continue to cry. I fall into him and he rubs my back up and down, "you'll make it through this," he whispers to me, "you're the strongest, smartest, most independent girl I know."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know you Ally. You'll come back from this. I know it won't be immediately, but I know for a fact that you'll make it past this."

I pull away from his arms and look him in his big, hazel eyes. The light of the afternoon catching them perfectly. He leans closer to me, and I lean closer to him. We keep leaning until we close the space between us and our lips touch. His lips are smooth, strong, and pure. Our lips fit together like a lock and key, like they weren't meant for anyone else. He starts to run his hands through my long, tangled, brown hair, and I wrap my arms around his muscular neck. I feel his tongue run across my lips and pull away.

He pulls away too. I watch his face turn red, "sorry," he says, running a hand through his hair.

I wipe away excess tears and face my feet, "it's fine. It's just-"

"I shouldn't have done that, Ally, I'm so sorry. I should've waited longer, I know it's too soon, I just got caught in the moment and it just, happened. I'm so, so sorry." I smile shyly at him, he turns to me and gives me a questioning look, "now it's my turn to ask 'what?'"

I smile again, some tears still falling from my eyes, "I needed that. It was just my first time and it was going too quick. I'm not mad and you shouldn't be embarrassed. I'm still upset about my dad, but I'm done crying... for now. Thank you."

He smiles at me and starts towards his apartment.