Blue Christmas

Chapter 8- "Have you ever thought to think about that?"

I wake up late the next day, laying next to Zeke. I press myself against his body and close my eyes, reliving the night before. "Good morning," I hear him whisper in my ear.

I open my eyes and roll over, "thank you Zeke. I mean it. You really didn't need to do that. I really appreciate it."

He smiles at me, "I'm glad it made you happy," he brushes my hair out of my face and kisses my forehead. "I liked seeing that light in your eyes again."

"What do you mean?"

He sits up, making his bare, upper body visible, "ever since you told me your dad left, it's like you lost a part of yourself."

I sit up next to him, still wearing my clothes from last night. I pull the sleeves of my sweater over my hands and smile, "he might actually be home for Christmas."

He pulls me closer to him and I lay my head on his bare chest, "remember what he told you."

I frown, "yeah."

I feel his chest go up and down with every breath he takes. He plays with the tips of my hair, twisting the strands around his finger, "do you want to talk to your mom about this?"

"Is it bad if I say no. That was my moment with my dad. I'm aware that it makes me sound selfish, but I just, I don't know."

"I think you need to talk to your mom. She probably needs you as much as you need me. I think you tend to forget that your mom has known your dad longer than you have. She's going through the same things as you."

I sit up and pull away from Zeke, "what she said wasn't okay."

"I agree with you on that, and it's your life, you live it the way you want... just don't get into drugs or alcohol."

I hold up a hand and cut Zeke off, "what are you getting at?"

He lets out a long sigh, "did you ever stop to think that your mom might have had a reason. I realize you and your dad were closer than you and your mom, but you both love him. You're both going through the same thing and you both are handling it differently. I'm not going to force you to talk to your mom, I just want you to consider the idea. I don't want to see you grow away from her"

I watch him stand up and head towards his closet, pulling out a black shirt that matches his sweatpants. I get up and follow him out of the room, "I've tried texting my mom, but I don't know what to say! I always end up deleting it and putting it off! I just want my dad back home. The video chat was a super sweet thing to do, but I can't video chat him every single day. It doesn't help that whenever I look in the mirror, all I see is my dad, I look and act so much like him."

He turns to me, puts a hand on my shoulder, and talks. "Did you ever think about that before! Maybe all your mom sees when she looks at you is your dad! Maybe all she needs right now is you! Maybe she sees you as a part of your dad that she currently doesn't have! Have you ever thought to think about that?" I look down at my feet and frown. "I am going to be here for you, but you need to stop thinking about just yourself and think about being there for your mom. I'm going Christmas shopping today, I can drop you off at your house, or you can stay here. It's up to you."

I hold Zeke's stare, we both look each other up and down. I cross my arms, "looks like I'm staying here."

I watch Zeke grab his coat and he walks out of the apartment without saying a word. I let a tear fall from my face and go to the bathroom and start the water, planning on taking a long, long shower.