IF

Both in a Whole Lot of Trouble

From what Eyrin has learned in her four long years in college, that's to never make her life even more complicated.

There's a bunch of things that go under that motto and that moment in the UV, she really did forget the most important one.

One一never look strangers in the eyes. Aside from it's making her so uneasy, she feels like doing so has fewer chances of not being caught. She hates getting caught up in awkward situations.

Two一never share tables with anyone. At the coffee shop, the bus, the train, classroom, cafeteria, or anywhere at any circumstances, she needs to be isolated from anyone.

Three一never have anything but small talks from anyone except mom. She's managed to practice different kinds of nods for different types of people just so she wouldn't look disrespectful.

Four一never involve herself in any particular matter in regards with anyone but family.

And five一never tell anyone she sees not just the dead but everything in the other side, completely parallel to where the living is.

Rules. Rules. Rules. That's her mantra to keep herself aware that she needs to abide my those self-made restriction. She doesn't need anyone to tell her that she isn't like the other ladies her age. She's not normal. She's fully aware of that and so that awareness gave birth to those rules. She promised herself that aside from her mother she wouldn't break the rules for anyone else.

After realizing the fact that she just broke one she left that UV, opening the door and getting away in haste. The door slam shut behind her and the sound of it echoes from ear to ear of the people that remain inside, flabbergasted. It didn't take them long though. For after only a few steps away, Eyrin has to cringe because of how thin the shriek and screams that come from passengers who are getting the hell out of the cursed vehicle.

She feels sorry for three things.

For scaring the freak out of those strangers and for having to walk the remaining distance to where she's supposed to be headed. Then she feels sorry for the pain her shoes are going to deal with.

"Hay." A word manifested in her supposedly quiet sigh. She continues to walk the slightly slippery footbridge extending from the corners of Taft to the curbs of EDSA. Everything is damped around her. It recently rained and it seems like it still does in wherever place she's going.

"Hay." That word comes out of her mouth again. Her feet are still inclined to continue moving forward but her mind keeps on saying no. Her hearts feels something strange is going to happen, but what can she do? She can only think. The next thing she knows, she's on a jeepney, heading to someone's wake.

Getting on a public transportation has always been a challenge for Eyrin. It always feels congested and being kept in a small place with a lot of people means accidental and awkward stare from strangers一which also means a broken rule.

That time the PUV isn't even crowded but still, she feels as if she couldn't breathe. She doesn't have fear of confinement一or maybe she does一fear of being confined in someone else's gazes.

"Bayad po," she extends her hand so someone two seats beside her can take the fare from her, "Makikisuyo," she asks politely and so she thinks everything is okay now, that she'll just wait for her time to get off.

Until someone clears their throat, obviously trying to get attention.

Part of her says she shouldn't avert her gaze to that someone but also part of her is too curious she has to tilt her head upwards and take a look at the stranger across from her. The plan is to take just a quick glance and pretend as if she does not intend to and then look away but in that swift moment their gazes meet, Eyrin can't find the chance to escape.

The man is tall, Eyrin can decipher it even if he's still sitting. Long black brushed up hair, a worn out polo, a ripped faded jeans and bare feet, serious amount of dirt in between the nails and the skin in his hand, and fine white teeth一that's how weird-looking the man is一but what's even more weird is how he smiles at Eyrin. That act of familiarity is enough to send chills down on anybody's spine but it's not what gave her goosebumps. It's the fact that she's broken another rule and that's to never look a stranger in the eyes.

Rules are made because of certain reasons. Number one for example is added up to the list because she can't help herself from doing it, and by adding it to the rules meant she had to do it even if she couldn't. But the great factor in that rule is a reason related to her entirety. She can see ghosts, things other people can't, and the task is to simply not to get the other side aware that someone in the living world is aware of their existence一and avoiding eye contact with anyone sure can accomplish that simple task一yet Eyrin then again fails to do so.

"You can see us." The words come out way too deep she feels it echoes in her mind without passing through her ears. The pressure she feels is just too strong that it makes her knees week. Her eyes are straining because of shock but she still can't find a way to look away. The man's smile grows wider and as if he's not creepy enough, his eyes roll to the back of his head until only Eyrin can see is white. "You can see us," he repeats but this time his laugh echoes with those words.

That laugh pains her ears she needs to cover both of it. The man disappears before her eyes but she can still feel his presence lurking around her existence, this time felt but not seen. Being weak-kneed does not stop her from running away though. The moment the transportation comes into a halt, she spends no time in jumping out of it. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know where to go. She has no idea whom she's bumping into because her gaze, those blurry eyes, are only fixated to the moistened asphalt.

"You can see us."

She comes to a stop, panting for breath, but the moment she looks up and wander her eyes around, that's also the moment she's made the biggest mistake of her life by far.

Foot traffic is the usual back and forth flow but amidst that many people, few are just standing there, just like what she's doing.

"You can see us."

Those words don't come from just on people. She's certain that she's hearing one voice along with bunches of other voice speaking the same words at the same time.

She covers her ears and silently begging the voices to stop but just like what happened earlier in the PUV, it echoes in her mind without passing through her ears.

"No," she's finally found the courage to speak up, "Stop!" But instead of helping her, her bravery only seems to provoke danger to launch into her.

The voices stop but the presence of the ones standing amidst the busy crowd becomes more evident that their existence envelopes Eyrin's mind and clogs her realization. Their heads tilt her way, their bodies kept still, and she's certain she hears bones and joints snapping one after another and after that, as if on cue, their eyes roll to the back of their heads until nothing is seen but white, and the noises of the busy avenue succumbs to the laughter of amusement.

Eyrin's tears fall uncontrollably just like she she screams and runs ahead.

"Go away," she pleads but the laughter won't stop. It's as if she's never left the place she was standing for the laughter doesn't fade away.

"Go away!" she screams again and then cry her lungs out but the tingling feeling and the breathing on her ear instantly stop her.

"Never." The voice sounds amused and she knows that the whisperer is smiling. She looks back and she hopes she hasn't. They are following her. Like a crowd they stopped behind her, smiling, somehow pleading, but Eyrin can't fathom their actions to anything but horror.

So her feet take her away from them and after a few steps they stop, and she did, after bumping onto something hard but warmer than a concrete. She's in someone else's arms, a stranger along her escape, but at that very moment she doesn't feel lost.

Before her consciousness is washed away, tears rolls from her eyes but she smiles. She has two opposing feelings inside her that time and she doesn't understand but she lets those emotions take her way from reality.

Sadness and happiness. A comfort in a tragedy.