IF

For the Ones Left Behind

The bell rang and the doors of every room all opened almost at the same time. It was lunch time and it didn't matter if the professor wasn't done with the lessons yet. Once the bell rang, there was nothing anyone could do but to adhere.

"School system has always been like this," Leo said as he packed his things in his bag. The kid on the table next to him just gave him a weird look probably because of him suddenly talking. The kid wasn't even sure if he was talking to her since Leo was avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"Every thing is timed. It's like we're machines," he said then got on his feet, smiled at no one in particular, and then made his way to the door. The kid was left with her jaw dropped for a moment but once she realized there was nothing wrong with what just happened since Leo was always like that, the kid just decided to shrug it off.

Series of hi's and hello's greet him as soon as he walked through the hallway. Leo was not that popular but being the school paper's editor in chief and as someone who bagged numerous awards in every intra school competition, he had a reputation.

But he didn't mind that because speaking of popularity, his brother had it better, not that he wanted fame anyway but he still liked to make comparison.

Adrian caught up beside him and when they noticed each other's presence, they just nodded and gave each other the typical fist bump. The strings of greetings still hadn't stopped but that time, they were mostly for Adrian.

Now unlike Leo who smiled every time at anyone to acknowledge them, Adrian preferred to just pretend to not hear anything at all. He would just look down and hide his face behind his hoodies, maybe blushing or frowning, no one knew. The only thing the people who admired him knew was that his coy and mysterious facade was a shot turn on.

"I'm really not sure why you still don't have a girlfriend." Jeff joined the gang almost hurriedly as the books in hands almost fell. "I mean not that you're more attractive than I do but still, you're wasting these opportunities!" Then he continued to nag about it until they reached their lockers.

"Why do you have so much books with you anyway?" Leo asked as he shut his locker closed. They were all getting ready for lunch, waiting for Jeff, who still couldn't find a way on how he was going to fit all those hooks inside his quaint and already stuffed locker.

"Remember that someone in the library? I still haven't hit on her yet," he frowned as he was finally able to close his locker, "I'm still gaining momentum. She mentioned she liked books and these are her favourites."

"What you read books now?" Leo scoffed then let out a mocking chuckle that made Jeff laughed.

"Of course not!" Jeff gave Leo and Adrian a fist bump as he wasn't able to do it earlier. "I'm just gonna let them stay in my locker for a week."

"By the way, man, let me copy Maths' homework. Haven't done mine last night. Thanks," Jeff asked casually knowing it was a usual thing he always did.

Adrian finally had something to say. "Now that you mentioned, I forgot my Spanish textbook at home. Lend me yours? Cool."

"I didn't even say yes, you two!" Leo sighed. "But okay!" He let out another sigh. "What would you do without me?"

"I don't know," Jeff answered as they picked the table near the window with the view of the car park. "So don't die."

As they placed their trays and settled down to chug those food down, Leo commented, "Like hell I would. I'm too young to not wake up for tomorrow." He laughed.

"Who knows? What if you die tonight?" Jeff joked but instead of starting off another topic, it got them all in silence. Even Jeff who joked about it felt guilty and never said a word again.

No one knew what any of them was thinking that time. No one ever asked. What was certain was the fact that none of them really took the topic of death lightly that even just the mention of it could put them into deep thoughts.

No one knew how each of them felt. No one knew what would happen.

It was already 7pm and almost everybody left the facilities but the Publication room still had its lights on. Leo was still to engrossed in editing the final layout for the month's edition. It rarely took most of his time but what was strange that day was that he couldn't brush the thought of death off his mind. He could've had finished the task three hours earlier if it weren't because of his intermittent spacing out moments that got him to do nothing. When he finally got back on track, everyone else had already left.

"Shoot." He looked at his watch and it was already half past seven. He wasn't even halfway done. Their curfew at home was at 9pm but he didn't think he could make it that night. Not on the previous nights either but that was the first time he worried about getting reprimanded.

Then he thought about his mom. That thought was sudden as well. It sent shivers down his spine and caused sweats to form on his temples. She already thought about his dad, his friends, his childhood, and now his mom. Soon enough he would think about himself and he would just realised it was almost 11pm already.

The fifth floor hallway was already dimmed as the lights on two ends were the only ones lit up. The sound of his black shoes hitting the tiled floor echoed and it almost felt gloomy. The elevators were already out of service at those hours so he had to take the fire exit which was illuminated by flickering lights. He still didn't mind though. His thoughts were too rushed and confusing that he didn't even realised he was already standing at the main entrance. The guard was aiming his flashlight on Leo probably saying things about staying at school late at night. Leo couldn't even make himself pay attention or even make out even a single word. He just walked his way out of yard and then to the dim ambiance of Taft Avenue.

He ventured through the curb, gaze ahead but had nothing to look at. His feet kits moved forward, absentmindedly, taking him to where he knew he should be. His body moved with the pace of the outside world but his mind wandered somewhere else. His thoughts were living in a different dimension where the pictures of everything he cared for rushed in.

"What if you die tonight?"

Jeff's voice echoed yet again. Leo stopped on his tracks. The place was quiet and would only be disturbed by the sound of the engines of the cars that were occasionally passing by.

He closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists. The series of images flooded him and they all could see them flash before his eyes all at once.

"No!" his mind shouted.

The internal fiasco stopped and all he could see was the image of himself smiling back at him. The bitter smile almost washed off his sorry face. His image then looked away, raised his hand up for goodbye as he walked away.

When Leo opened his eyes, a lone tear fell. That time he knew he wasn't ready.

"If... I'm going to die tonight," he forcefully pushed the lump on his throat, "for the ones I'm going to leave behind, at least let me say goodbye."

He prayed. He hoped. He wished.

But as he knew in his 19 years of existence and from what he read on one of his favorite books, the world isn't a wish-granting factory.

That night he didn't realized two guys were following behind him, eyeing his bag that they thought had something valuable.

He wasn't able to say goodbye.

That night, he died.