window to window || yoonmin

22

3rd person//

Negative added to another negative makes a positive [Y'ALL DON'T @ ME ON THIS.. I MEANT LIKE... a minus and a minus makes a plus. not minus plus minus is a plus.. idk just read and be happy smh I only have C in maths], that's what they teach you in school. What they don't teach you is that it's bullshit and doesn't apply in real life. Constant, underlying negatives coming from a supposed positive makes the other negative stronger and stronger, all up until it bursts, much like an atom bomb.

Yoongi viewed himself as an atom bomb at times, he couldn't quite control himself and neither could anyone else. People used him for their own benefit and hoped for the best and not to forget, he was dangerous. A danger to himself, a danger to others. If he explodes, that is. He wasn't himself when he exploded, his eyes got glossed over with something deep and dark, but nothing like they would when they had sex, no. This was something else. Something that truly scared Jimin.

"I don't understand." He was lying in a way, he knew what Yoongi meant, but not completely. Not why he was mad.

"Look at me, Jimin. Do I look okay to you?" Jimin wanted to say yes, but he knew better than to speak right now. "Because I'm not, you and I both know that. If you look at me, Jimin, what do you see that's wrong?" Jimin wanted to say nothing, but he knew better than to answer. "It's the middle of July, it's 22° outside, I'm wearing oversized as fuck clothes that are way too hot for this weather. Connect the fucking dots yourself."

"I don't-"

"You don't? You haven't, that's what's wrong. You haven't looked at me. You're blind, Jimin. Blind by choice." He knew he was good with his words, could see Jimin's facade crumbling down piece by piece the more he spewed out his venom.

Jimin was stunned. Nothing other than Yoongi had been on his mind these past months that they'd been together, and here he is claiming that Jimin hadn't seen him? "I really don't know what you're talking about."

"And that's the fucking problem, you're so naive." Yoongi huffed and rolled his eyes as if all this was oh so very obvious. "I feel like shit most of the time, Jimin, and I know you somewhere deep down do too, but the problem is that you won't admit it. So you complain and look sad but play it off, and that affects me too. Makes me feel bad..."

He stared in awe as Yoongi continued to throw his small tantrum. He hadn't seen this coming in a million years. He thought they were on good terms, that Yoongi was feeling well, but now that he thinks about it all the signs have been there. Hell, the first time they met Jimin thought Yoongi was trying to take his own life, Yoongi even admitted to having tried in the past. "Yoongi, baby I'm sorry."

"Don't you baby me. I'm two years older than you, I should've- I should've known better. Really, I'm the naive one." He shook his head and Jimin finally sensed that something wasn't right, he knew something wasn't right, but he could feel it just then.

"Yoongi, you're not naive. I don't see how you could ever think that, but more importantly: I am sorry. You know I've never done anything like this in the past, this is my first real relationship and I just don't do very well with emotions." Jimin wanted to reach out and hold Yoongi, hug him until everything was alright, but he knew he shouldn't right now.

"I know, and that's what I'm trying to say," Yoongi seemed like he was backing up, walking away slowly, and it really didn't sit well with Jimin. "We don't fit together, you and I. I was - I am naive because I thought we would. You made me feel better for a moment, but now I see that I'm just pulling you down and I can't- I can't depend on some kid next door. I need to- I need..."

Jimin knew this all too well by now, he'd only seen Yoongi change like this once or twice but it was etched into his brain so hard he would never forget it. "No, no no, baby calm down. I'm here." He tried to hush Yoongi's rambling before he got stuck in it, but he didn't know how well it was working because when he finally stood up to take Yoongi in his arms he could feel his shoulder get damp with tears. 

He wasn't sure if he should take Yoongi's whole 'confession' with a grain of salt or not because usually when he had panic attacks or 'mood swings' (he wasn't sure what to call them, but Yoongi got suddenly angry or sad sometimes) he said a bunch of stuff he didn't really mean. "I'm sorry that I don't talk to you more, really talk, but I'm- I mean, you said it yourself, I'm just some kid next door. I-uh, if I can open up a bit here, I've never really had anyone care all too much about my problems, so I don't share them unnecessarily."

This probably wasn't the best time to start confessing about his inner turmoil, but speaking seemed to help Yoongi calm down, at least it had before, and Jimin didn't have much else to talk about. He kept on talking about how his parents wanted him to become a lawyer because they thought that would give him a good life and how he felt shitty because he didn't want it. His parents only wanted him well and here he was, disrespecting their wish.

He liked dancing, it made him feel free, which is why he really didn't want to pursue a career in dancing, took the freedom out of it. He didn't really know what he wanted to do yet, all he knew is that he wanted his own place, somewhere he could be alone and figure shit out. But he never had a permanent employment, jumped from one small job to the other, despite his straight A's and expensive education. Kind of how he jumped from partner to partner. Maybe he was just scared of attachment? "And that's all, I think. Please don't be mad at me and please, please don't break up with me."

Yoongi chuckled lowly and Jimin couldn't help the wide grin that spread across his face, he'd actually helped. "I won't. I just- I felt stupid because I opened up too quickly. Like I always do. And I felt vulnerable, I felt like you didn't trust me like I'd trusted you." He backed out of the hug so he could look at Jimin. "Do you see now why it's important to talk about your emotions, dummy?"

"I do, I do and I'm sorry, again. I'll make it up to you, somehow." Jimin was hesitant at first but gave Yoongi a quick kiss after a moment of consideration. It seemed to pay off as Yoongi's smile now matched Jimin's.

"No need, you do so much already. Just remember that you don't have to act cool in front of me, because I'm definitely not cool, and I won't judge you."

hey hello

idk if this counts as filler but I wanted to give you something with a bit of backstory

I've purposely hidden away the depths of Jimin's character for a while, but now I feel like we've gone on for long enough and it was time

also I'm gonna re-write the story (again) in short

thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a lovely 2018