Memories Mistaken

Chapter 7

Alissa's POV continued...

I cannot imagine this is something I own and I belong to. Somewhere down inside I know that I am betraying myself upfront. I am lying to this family or this family is lying to me. Either way, the more I like the surroundings and the warm feeling I find myself riveting in, the more the charade of being someone I am not taunts back in the frame of my mind.

My head spins a bit and I control as soon as I perch down the twin bed. It dips down softly and my back relaxes as  I lay down on it.

"What are you thinking about?"

Role's drawl comes near my ear and I almost forgot where I am. His presence takes too much of my personal space and like a teenager drooling over her crush, my heart starts to thump fast within. I count back in my mind to have some piece of control and not lose myself in the arms of  a complete stranger even if he proves to be the most generous husband ever to be betrothed to a wife.

My cheeks flush and I am sure I turn reddish than the thick color of blood, especially when his hands shoot right my arm, in a deep caress to embrace me further. My body leans into his touch like I have been craving for this kind of love forever. 

"Alli, baby, don't hide from me. Tell me, what's wrong? Why are you worried?"

His clear blue eyes watch me unfurl and my lips turn dry. My tongue lashes and tantalises my lips while trying to unknowingly seduce the shit out of the greek god sitting in front of me with a look in his eyes that he couldn't stop worshipping me. 

"What if this isn't mine, Role, what if I don't deserve anyone of you? Will you still care of me this much the way you're trying to fight for us to keep us together?"

Bravery captures my heart and it dances out of my mouth before my brain hindrances it with coherence. Shit. I regret as fast as the words fly out on their own. I didn't know I had such pressure building up inside of me that one gentle perusal from him will leave me at his mercy.

His light as sky orbs turn darker; like the worst storm of desire, lust and worry together. 

He watches me carefully and then speaks, "That doesn't matter now. I have always promised and fought to be with you and to make our time worth it. I am no hero myself, Alli. I have committed mistakes too. And some of them are surely not ever forgivable."

The hair of my skin prickle with the peculiar confession. I didn't expect Role to be someone to have had committed mistakes to that extent. I cannot fathom him to be vulnerable when his own bearing was no less than a foreboding of its own in front of his adversaries like Mr. Juniper Benito.

"What have you done, Role?"

"There are many things in my 30 years of life Alli that I had to face and had to decide. It wasn't easy the first time and it wouldn't be easy at the last time..." his breathing turns deeper as his voice sways far away. He leans back against the head of the bed and opens one of his arm to invite me in his embrace. I hesitate before and press my knees into the bed after to crawl into his personal space.

When I am properly settled in, his arm feels like a hard pillow against my neck. "There were times when I had to be cold to someone, I had to make harsh decisions, maybe even hurt my loved ones...even you," he sounds remorseful and I simply nod and fear to pry further. 

"I will reveal everything one by one as we take one day at a time, I cannot promise you a package of simply chiseled abs and white picket fences. That's not who I am, Alli. I am ruthless, I am brutal to the ones who dare to entangle in my path. But at the same time, I am high on hubris knowing that I am the father of our daughters. I cannot be more proud than that for anything in this whole universe that you gave me Rein and Autumn."

Tears pool in my eyes as he goes on and goes about what sort of people he has met in his life both professionally and personally and how he had to deal with some of them to protect what he owned; to protect his wife, Alissa and his kids. 

his wife. his wife.

you're not his wife. 

Beads of sweat circle around the nape of my neck and Role feels them through his arm and he looks worried again. I feel tired at the amount of time he gets worried for everything that goes out of the way for him. 

"Are you hot? Should I switch on the A.C.? Are you okay, Alli, baby?"

"I am okay, Role. Stop festering over a piece of sweat. I am completely functional excluding the brain malfunction part," he scowls at the wisecrack I make and I assure him to relax and turn off the lights for me to sleep. My head starts to feel stuffy and recollection forms that the degree of proximity between Role and I is a calling for troubled waters. 

I need to be careful. I am not his wife. Who is Cara? I need to find more about Cara. Who is Alissa in real? What's the connection between Cara and Alissa?