Bleeding Hearts

Chapter 3. Jane

"I am the space my father left in my chest - I am his emptiness."

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Falling apart; the two words that describe the way my life falls into place now. He's gone, and I didn't get to even keep my promise. Landon didn't get to say goodbye and Liam is smoking ten times more now. Four days ago when Dad died, we argued. Not just argued, we fought.

"Liam, listen to me. It's going to be-"

"Don't you dare say it. Don't you fucking dare." He hissed with his teeth clenched. Landon climbed into the car with our aunt Kathy who didn't bother to say even one word to us. I waved at my smaller brother as they drove off, turning back towards my older one.

"You really need to calm the attitude." I snapped at him as he stood up, towering over me.

"I don't have a damn attitude. Maybe if you get your head out of your ass for once you would see that!" He yelled, only a few inches away from my face.

"What the hell has gotten into you?!" I yelled back this time which gathered a few people's attention.

"I don't know, Jane! Maybe the fact that everyone around me is dying, and I have to deal with it all by myself!"

"What don't you understand when I tell you that I'm here for you?" I asked, trying to make him see the obvious.

"I can't trust you." He spat, taking another cigarette out of his pack. I became infuriated as I took it from his hand, stomping on the ground. "What the fuck!" He yelled again.

"You're going to end up just like Dad did if you keep smoking those damn things! You never do it in front of me, so why now?" I questioned as he laughed sarcastically.

"Because you're not my boss." He said in a quieter tone. "Get out of my face." He rolled his eyes, turning away from me.

"Why don't you trust me?" I asked, remembering his comment from earlier. He stopped, turning back in my direction.

"Why don't you ask yourself that question? Why have I distanced myself from you ever since mom died?" He hissed while I stopped.

"I don't know, you would never tell me!"

"Because you fucking killed her! If you would have drove instead of letting her drive drunk, she would still be here! And maybe you wouldn't have!" He yelled out the words as hurt immediately hit me.

The memory of mom laying there dying when I should have drove. I had always blamed myself for that, but Dad told me otherwise. I suppose I wasn't the only one who thought that way; but the fact if mom had lived, it would have been okay if I died to him?

I slightly smiled as the tears filled my eyes. I seen regret wash all over his face as I turned away from him.

"Jane, please. I'm sorry, just no.." He trailed off while I shook my head.

"There's no fixing that one, big brother." I said in a shaky voice, and started to head towards my car.

I've ignored him since; passing him in the hallways of this lonely house, though he's ever rarely here anymore. It is as if he's this whole new person.

Kathy won't let us see Landon either, which pisses me off until no end. She's not his legal guardian, I am. Since mom died, Dad decided I was responsible enough that when I turned 18 I could keep Landon. Well that hasn't happened.