IT WAS ALEXIS' turn to be Santa that year, so after a long drive home filled with thick tension in the air, I went straight to my room and plopped down onto the bed. I didn't talk to anyone on the way home, I didn't have the courage to. With all of the words said back at the tower, all of the rage that exploded out of me, and all of the vile emotion that had built up inside of me for so long, I didn't say one word. Not to Alexis, not to Andrew, and certainly not to Peter. Though, knowing the soft and forlorning boy, he would be at my window any moment, those big brown eyes on full display, and he would ask-
"Are you okay?" Peter gave me a tight smile as I opened my window, letting him into my room. I closed it behind him, resting my tired palms against it and nodding my head with a dreary sigh, "I'll be fine, Peter. You don't have to fret about me."
"But, I want to help." He persisted, coming closer to me and casually resting his hand on my arm.
"I know," I brushed him off, walking across my room and sitting on the edge of my bed, "I know you always want to help Peter, you're a good friend. But, there are some things you just can't fix. There are some things people just have to do alone."
"But, you don't have to be alone."
"You don't understand."
"Help me understand." He begged, sitting to the side of me, "Talk to me."
"Peter!" I snapped, but then after seeing his eyes widen and generous hand withdraw from reaching out to me, my voice softened, "I.. I want to be able to take care of myself. I feel as if I'm always crying over things I put myself into. I know I never mean to, but utterance just turns out the worst for me. I'm thankful for who I am, but I also hate- I just- I want to-"
"Appreciate yourself?'
"Relatively."
"Okay."
"Okay?" She narrowed her eyebrows.
"Yes!" Peter laughed, a slight blush appearing on his face, "I'm not doing this with you."
"Augustus would have."
"I don't even like that movie."
"Get out." I pointed to the window.
He started to laugh, but then tackled me quickly, wrapping his muscular arms around my waist and falling back on the bed with me in his grasp. I didn't protest this time, letting him use one arm to grab the blanket from the edge of my bed to pull over both of our bodies. He cuddled his head into my neck while holding me, and that's when I realized his fingers captured my own, holding me closer go a point where even I never wanted to let go.
I don't know why I didn't punch him in his ribs like usual- maybe I was tired? Maybe, I had fought this too much. But, the feeling of being in his arms, with our fingers intertwined, and his soft lips pressed lightly against my neck- I couldn't put it into words. I can, however say, it felt right, and it felt good.
Now, this sounds like a bunch of girly ass shit.
But I finally realized. He's laying next to me, and I'm half asleep, wondering what I did to deserve this moment- to deserve him. And, he's here, breathing easily. All I can think about is tomorrow, and how I can be better for him.
✯ ✯ ✯
"WAKE THE FUCK UP, IT'S CHRISTMAS!" I heard the pure excitement from Alexis drive me out of sleep at 6 am in the morning. This time, instead of groggily waking up, I jumped up with a push of one leg, and ninja rolled off of my bed. Thankfully, Peter had left when I fell asleep, so I didn't ninja roll over his body. Alexis stood in my doorway, a regular green sweater on, with lights wrapped around herself, blinking. She held a childish grin, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the living room.
