It Ends In A Second

Part Two: Just A Parent

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you."

-Lao Tzu

Trigger warning: Guns

Word count: 1003

PART TWO: JUST A PARENT✓

My son reminded me too much of his father. Tousled black hair that would never lay flat, and a thin lanky frame. Both traits were carried on by the men and women alike in his family. The way he walked, the way he talked. The way he dressed and the way he looked when he read his books. I loved his father, but when he died, I couldn't bring myself to love our son. To do so would be like seeing him die all over again. It'd be like Meeting him all over again. It'd be like loving him all over again.

Pulling myself out of bed every single morning was a hard. Getting ready for work was a chore. Getting myself to eat and sleep was exhausting. Maybe I wasn't cut out for life, for living. Maybe I was just scared.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and proofread my email. My boss expected work done by 2:00 pm, and it was currently 1:54. Without a second proofing, I clicked send, and then I slid papers into folders, folders into files, and files into drawers. With two minutes to spare, I entered my boss's office. I set a few sheets of paper and other necessary things into the corresponding places, and then clocked out.

I grabbed my coat, and began my short hike home. I stopped at the liquor store, bought some vodka, and the walked to the tobacco outlet, where I bought some smokes. They reminded me of him.

As I stepped outside, it started raining. Hurricane season I thought rolling my eyes. I lit a cigarette and began to walk home again, walking slowly in the warm rain. Cop cars were parked in the driveway, I stayed back, whatever the issue was, I'm sure Bob would handle it.

The cops spotted me just as they were placing him in the squad car. I took this chance to walk over and say a few things.

"Ma'am?" One officer says. His badge read Dahl. "Are you the parental guardian of Wesley Maslow?"

"Yes, Why?" I say with a flirtatious smile. "Is he in trouble?" I pout my lips, hoping he likes what he sees.

"Your son was believed to have brought a gun to school today. You haven't heard of the shooting?" He's better off dead. Then I won't have to look at his face everyday.

"No, I've been at work." I look down at the plastic bags dangling from my hands. "And then I went to the convenience store down the street. Is everybody okay? Is anybody hurt?" I ask.

"Ma'am, I need you to come to the station with us." His hands are on his hips, as he nods his head to the officer on the other side of the car.

"Alright, Let me go put this inside real-"

"Ma'am! We don't have time to waste. We need to see if we can save those poor children in school, where you son is holding them captive." He seethes, gripping my arm.

"Let me go!" I say wrenching my arm out of his grip. I smooth out my pencil skirt and blouse, "I'll go with you, Sir, but there's no need to be rough." I walk around the car and sit on the plastic bench. With all of the taxes I pay, they should be able to afford nice seats I huff in my head.

As the car starts up, the radio says "I need all available ambulances to locate to auburndale high school 10/4?"

"10/4" Is heard multiple times, and in the distance, sirens start, slowly adding in until all I can hear is the distant ambulances. I look over at my drunk husband. Sighing, I take a swig from my flask and pull out my phone.

One missed call.

(Wesley)

One voicemail

(Wesley)

I swipe right on the missed call and clutch my phone as I hold it against my ear.

"Hey mom, I just wanted to let you know, I love you so much, although it seems like you don't return my feelings. I want to say sorry for being a burden, and I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do. Stand up to Bob, will you?" Wesley says, sobs were evidently being held back as he spoke. I could tell he was deeply conflicted about something. But what was he going to do?

What didn't I give him? A hot meal every night? A brand new phone every year? Money?

I was tired of him being so ungrateful. I was tired of him acting like he was better than us. Just like his father I thought rolling my eyes. I look to the side, noticing the storm clouds getting darker and darker. Wind was picking up and it began to drizzle.

Just a few minutes longer, and we were at the station. We were escorted into an office, and left unknowing and confused. I didn't know that my son had killed himself, or other people. I didn't know he brought a gun to school, and I surely didn't notice any signs of depression.

Was I that bad of a mother? I thought back to the last time I said 'I love you' to him. I couldn't remember. I tried to remember the last time I had hugged him, or even spoke to him. It had been more than a week.

When the sheriff came in, he asked me all sorts of questions, and Bob was too incapacitated to answer them. So I lied. I told him we were a fine family. Nothing bad at home, not a single issue, and we were a loving bunch.

It wasn't until I got home that I had actually cried. I failed him. I'm the reason those people are dead. I'm the reason family's are crying about their child. Their dead child. 

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Chapter two is published! This one is dedicated to @oniichanel , thanks for advice and editing <3

Okay so how do you feel about all of this new info? I kinda wrote out a bunch of stuff and went with it. Hope you liked it though! If you ever feel like you need to get out of yourself, just remember you are not alone. I promise.

Vote, comment, and share please

-Lila