polaroid » t.k

0.1. - vacancy

WARNING!
— mcd
— depression
— suicide

If you're triggered by any of this
DO NOT
read!

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- 8th February -

Jungkook revealed his eyes slowly and his gaze met the all-too-familiar white ceiling. The unfamiliar cold spot next to him didn't really relieve the heavy feeling in his chest. He referred to the left with his body, hoping with everything he had that he would appear next to him. Wishing to encounter the other's gaze, wanting to enjoy his warmth, craving to see the cute boxy smile he loved so immensely. But his hopes were unfulfilled. All his orbs landed on were the vacant spot where Taehyung once slept, where he should've been sleeping.

He furrowed his brows and gulped, turning back to face the ceiling. His lips parted slightly as he let out a deep breath, then heaved himself from the bed. It took extreme energy for him to do so, feeling like his body was glued to the bed, or like it was clinging to him in an unpleasant grasp. But he managed. He made his way off the bed, though it took great effort.

Jungkook's eyes were heavy but chest more so, almost like something was clawing its way to stay in his chest and not fall. It hurt, so much, but he held it in. He soaked in all the heartache, even if it almost drowned him in the process.

His steps were heavy and sounded forced, dragging across the wood floor as he strode to the kitchen. His coffee-colored, almost vacant eyes examined the lit room as he made his way towards the fridge. He grabbed a milk carton harshly, crumbling it slightly. Jeon took note of this but only sighed as he shook, placing the carton on the kitchen counter then heading toward the pantry.

After finishing making a bowl of cereal in foreign silence, he sat down at the table and spooned the food into his mouth slowly. It was almost lifeless.

Jungkook glanced up the empty chair before him, a hollow space, a useless object. He formed a weak glare before returning to his pathetic excuse of breakfast.

After finishing off the bowl of cereal he dressed appropriately for the public eye. He covered himself with pastel blue jeans, a black coat and underneath it is the black t-shirt that he'd just gotten back. The shirt was constantly on the other's body. It was never to be used on the true owner again, up to now. It even smelled like him.

Jungkook gathered a deep breath as he nibbled his lip before he allowed anything to show how he felt with his expression. Be calm, Jungkook, be calm. He pepped himself which was hard, just ending his thoughts on Taehyung and his sweet, fresh lavender scent that had planted itself in Jungkook's shirt he 'borrowed'.

After pulling on his timberlands he exited the apartment, hands in pockets and chin buried within a scarf which held no scent close to his beloved. Although he genuinely wanted to live through everything that obtained anything with him to do, he couldn't due to being in public. Moreover knew he'd break down, so he didn't, as if the shirt wasn't doing more than it should've.

His nose pointed down at the snow-covered ground as he strolled across the streets, gaze fixated on his beige shoes. Jungkook tried to focus on the sound of traffic and crowds, but his mind couldn't let go of Taehyung. They would be holding hands if he'd been there, mostly to gain warmth but it was pleasing as well. They'd link arms and stay close so they wouldn't get separated. They'd laugh and smile as they went past things that entertained them. But Taehyung wasn't there to achieve that, to make life interesting and genuinely enjoyable. To help Jungkook discover the spot of light amongst the darkness.

He gnawed on his lip as he made his way to the grocery store that didn't happen to be far from his apartment, his steps quickening just so he'd be able to get home quickly. He didn't want to be outside longer than he had to.

Long after arriving home and sorting all the groceries in their specific places, Jungkook found himself to be sitting on the right side of his bed. An empty space left beside it in case Taehyung would arrive. If everything was just a long and painful dream that he'd wake up to, letting his unrealistic hopes take control.

In his hand, Jeongguk held a diary, one he hadn't had a possession of before the nightmare began. And in the other, a pen, intending on writing in the book.

The brunette let out a deep shaky exhale before beginning to write.

It's the eighth of February today.
It's been over a week since fell into this nightmare.
It's been too long... I wonder why I haven't woken up yet.
Today was the same, but it's getting worse. I feel heavy like a billion bricks are stacking in my chest.
I don't know what to do.
With every day that passes without his presence... I can't bear it.
I just feel so lonely, empty...
I hope he's coming back.
All I can do to stuff the gap is to look at his pictures.
He's so lovely. His smile is enough to cause worldwide peace.
Stunning... he's so stunning.
I miss seeing his face... I crave it.
Beautiful brown eyes of his that catch interest in even the smallest of things like an ant carrying more leaves than the other ants, stars roaming throughout them like in the moonlit night; I love them.
I'd do anything to brush my fingers through his hair, see his smile grow, and next have him in my arms.
I want to feel that warmth again.
I want to feel him again.
I want him next to me.

Again.

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