Malignant [h.s]

One Hundred

PLAY THIS SONG IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE READING!!! IT LITERALLY CHANGES EVERYTHING WHEN YOU READ IT (especially near the end)

I need a tissue for this chapter.

Dear Amelia,

It was my time, I suppose. We all have our due dates and today was mine. I knew this day was coming sooner then later, the Salvation were ready to make a move for a while now. I know I won't get out of here alive, but if you got this note, than it means you did and thats what matters to me more then anything.

I deserved to die Amelia, I really did.

I have done a lot of terrible things in my life baby. I've caused misery on so many innocent people, innocent people like you. My choices were no ones to blame but myself, but that's okay- because if I never made those choices then I would've never had you.

I love you so much Amelia Joyce.

I love you so fucking much that I'm not sure if you'll ever understand. I lived in a constant fear that one day you'd wake up and realize I was never the man you thought I once was. You see, I never captured you with the intent to love you- but I did. I ended up loving you more then I'd ever love myself. You were by far the best thing that ever happened to me, and I hope that one day you'll meet a man who could treat you right. My only hope is that you'll fall in love with some intellectual you meet at a coffee shop, or a charming man on a park bench- feeding the birds on his work break. That's the kind of man you deserve Amelia, not the damaged psycho that abducted you. I want you to have someone who gets nervous meeting your parents on the fourth date, someone that you can sit by the fire and talk hours with about your childhoods. I want you to have everything I couldn't give you. I want you to have happiness.

I need you to move on from me, even if that mean you pretend I never existed. I know you're mad at me- so maybe that will make this all not as hard in the end. I wanted you to be mine forever, I wanted to be yours forever- but I know from experience that things don't always work out how we want them too.

Things between us weren't always easy, but when I think of my life, I think of you. You were my life- you were my everything. I always looked at you and thought to myself how the hell I got so damn lucky.

You showed me that the only easy thing in life was loving you. When the world was falling apart around us you still looked at me like everything was going to be okay. You showed me that life didn't have to be so hard all the time, and I thank you for that.

I'm so sorry Amelia, I'm so sorry about Adrian. I never wanted to kill him, your brother was my best friend. I grew up with him. We were running this place together, we were co leaders. My blackouts will always be something I can't control, but I know that no matter what I have to own up to them. I deserve your anger towards me- because in the end it's no ones fault but my own.

He promised to keep you safe- so I took it upon myself to kidnap you, but for him. I knew I could keep you safe if you were with me. He wanted to protect you and it reminded me of how I wanted to always protect Elizabeth.

You were always so beautiful. I was in love with everything about you. Your eyes were a glimpse of heaven and your smile stopped the rain on a cloudy day. Never forget how beautiful you are baby- I wish I told you more. I wish I told you so many more things before I ran out of time.

You told me in the hospital that how could you love me if I couldn't love myself. When you said that, I felt confused and hopeless because I didn't know how to love myself- I'm not sure I still do. But when I sat back silently and tried to understand what I could possibly love about myself- I came down too very few amount of things. I loved my name, but only when you said it. I loved my hair, but only because you tangle it in your fingers. I loved my skin, but only from the way you'd run your hands across it. Don't you see it Amelia? Everything I could possibly love about myself was all from you.

Even though you don't owe me anything, please just promise me some things.

Promise me you won't be afraid to smile.

You're going to make some man crazy about you one day for the second he sees that smile.

Promise me you'll love again.

You're such a lovable soul, you were brought on this earth by the heavens because you're a natural healer, a person that was universal to love.

Promise me you'll stand up for yourself.

Don't ever let someone push you around and take advantage of your niceness. The most toxic people on the planet take advantage of the ones that are nice.

Promise me you'll stay away from anyone in a leather jacket.

They, we, are bad people. You will only get hurt in the end darling. Malignant means disposed to cause harm, suffering and deliberately showing ill will or hatred. This gang is the disease of the world, so stay away from them.

And please, please...

Promise me you'll never forget how much I loved you, no matter how much you may hate me.

I wrote this when we got back from the hospital. All I can think about is the day we fought and when you left- what a terrible day that was. I can't stop replaying the fight we had and its just tearing me apart. Seeing your eyes that were broken because of me is an image I cannot get out of my head. I should've never kept such terrible secrets from you, but I was so terrified of losing you Amelia. Its no excuse, but it was the reason I never confessed.

I want you to always know that no matter what happened with your brother and the lies, I never ever faked my love for you. You were the realist thing I ever felt and I will forever thank you for that. Baby, I loved you so fucking much and through the billions of people on this earth- I'm still astounded that I met you. I never was so convinced that I wanted to be the only hand you ever had to hold or how your lips didn't belong anywhere else then against mine. I never had something so special in my life and when I lost you- it killed me. I will always love you, on this earth or not.. but now, I'm letting you go.

I'm letting you free sweetheart.

Take a deep breath, look at the trees and smile; I know how much you love the trees when they sway in the wind. Once you see the beauty of what life has to offer, make sure you're safe. All I want is for you to be safe.

In this envelope is my chain, I want you to have it. You can wear in under your clothes and it will just always let you know that I'm there in your heart. Whenever you're scared or whenever you're feeling down, just hold the pendant at the end and remember us together; the good part.

So now this is goodbye. I can't promise I'll see you in the heavens because I know I won't be going there. But I love you Amelia, I'll never stop. You silenced the demons in my head, and you loved me for who I was. You made me become vulnerable, but also made me learn that letting yourself be vulnerable was a way to let love into your life. God you taught me so many things baby. Don't think of me as dead, just think of me as in the other room; writing in our office or reading a book.

I always said I'd love you till my last breath, but knowing that I'm going to be facing that soon- it doesn't seem like it means justice anymore.

I will love you till the end of time.

-Harry