from time to time i'd ask mama to tell me again about the story of my birth:
i was born a month late.
the doctor said, maybe i was
too comfortable to come out yet.
so, june 7th of '93;
it was 8.55 in the morning;
i came to this world through a
window incision called caesarean.
i cried only once. soon after,
silence was a friend
i knew ever since.
i am the youngest of my siblings.
my brothers' first name are all 'Benz' and if i had one ringgit for every time people ask me why wasn't I named Benz—i'd probably own one.
my girlfriend told me, based on my time of birth; i am a double-gemini.
I'm not sure what that means; but
I knew I had a thing for duality, like
earth and sky
day and night
life and death
english-bahasa melayu
talking and listening
ever since i can remember
silence has taught me so much;
you could learn more
by just keeping your mouth shut
because listening doesn't mean
it is the absence of sound;
instead, it is the presence of
hearing a person out.
it doesn't mean that we have
all the answers for our problems;
it just means that it's okay to leave
any blank spaces behind—
because there are pomes i've known
have [ ] i've ever heard.
most of the pomes i've written
doesnt even [ ].
so i left some them behind
because paul valery said:
"a poem is never finished.
only [ ]."
jack kerouac said:
"one day I will find [ ]
and they will be [ ]"
this is not the first pome
about silence and how
[ ] spaces filling up
the place with [ ]
it is not about a young poet that is
trying to find his absent [ ]
in other people's metaphors
it is him trying to listen to the presence
of his own lines that's been waiting for
[ ]
it is him trying to find the right words
to say how he would always love his
brothers even when [ ]
it is him trying to learn why
does hardship looked so familar
—at 64, mama still carries
the burden of [ ]
and having enough
but never for herself.
it is me trying to be a good listener
but at the same time wanting to be heard.
because remember:
listening doesn't mean
it is the absence of speech
instead, it is the presence of
"I get you..."—even if you don't
have i told you?
i liked things in duality—
stage/page, light/dark, cold/warmth,
lost/found, hurt/heal, sound/[ ].
maybe, one day
i will find the root of my courage.
i will [ ] with all of my heart
about the things [ ]
running on my [ ].
i would finally write that pome
for [ ] & [ ]
this time—i would
stay by their sides
because i've learned how to listen.
after all—silence has always
been [ ].
also, what i've learned
the most is that [ ].
and to be honest i am still learning
how to [ ].
