A Reason To Breathe

The First Try

So I have come to the conclusion that I am either crazy or depressed, who the fuck knows. I sure don't.

I guess I should finally introduce myself; my name is Kobi Olin and I'm 14 years old, and I think I'm going insane. So I have decided to kill myself. Now, I don't need you thinking something like "poor emo girl, she probably has some issues at home." The thing is that... No, I actually don't. I mean sure, I'm the typical teenage girl that gets pissed at their parents, but there's no issues. The reason I want to kill myself that I'm stupid. Stupid. I know, but let me explain. I can't be happy, I've tried, but it's hard.

I'm happy that I get to go to school and obtain an education, but I hate waking up early.
I'm happy that I have friends, but I hate that I don't have more.
I'm happy that I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, a bed to sleep in, and water 24/7 to shower with, but am I actually happy? No. I hate that I can't have a big house, expensive food, a huge bed, and a big bath.
I'm happy that I have both parents, but I hate that they fight all the time.
I'm happy, yet I'm sad.
It could be much worse and it's not; I could a refugee without a home, I could be a child bride, or a killers next victim... but I'm not.
My problems are first world problems, you see.

So I have concluded that I should kill this piece of shit I call myself. I mean, I won't ever be happy anyways. Honestly. Another thing: I'm happy that I'm going to die, but I hate that it won't be all dramatic and shit. I was hoping to pull some 13 Reasons Why shit and send letters to people saying that they're assholes and maybe send a letter to a friend telling them that there's something I'd never had the chance to tell them and just end it there. Maybe they'll live an eternal torture never knowing what I wanted to say. Anyways, I thought about it real long and hard and I decided that I would just make a bunch of suicide notes. This. This is supposed to be suicide notes, I guess. Pretty sucky, right?
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So... yeah. Suicide notes here we come!