The Awakening Of Fatalist

Screams

October 2016

–Billy? I called in the playground.

Countless boys were running in all directions but I wasn't seeing my brother. I shouted his name over and over but he was not coming. What was he doing? I was circling in search of a little light haired boy when I heard my name further in the park. I recognized this voice, it was Billy.

–MANNY! He yelled out of breath.

Some still stood and others wondered what was happening. I didn't know myself until I saw Billy struggling against a strange man. My thoughts were no longer clear, but I was conscious of running. I ran and ran to the other side of the park. I saw this man taking my brother's weak neck below his arm. I panicked, but my legs didn't want to stop.They should not stop. I reached the street and still saw Billy with the man.

–MANNY!! HELP ME!! Billy shrieked desperately.

His screams turned my guts inside out and without realizing it, my cheeks were flooded with tears.

–DO SOMETHING, SOMEBODY?! BLOODY HELL! I cried out of breath.

The man with the strange cap pushed Billy inside his car and started. The car rumbled and the tires clenched in contact with the pavement. And I ran further in the road. Always further. My throat was dry and my legs unstable, but I ran again and again. I could see him in the back, screaming incessantly, but his words no longer reached me. The street seemed endless. I wasn't seeing the car anymore but I couldn't stop myself. Not now. I had to run. Always further. Billy...no. Please...Then suddenly I heard knocking at the door.

I opened my eyes to nothingness, but quickly I got used to the darkness. Other knocks at the door were heard and I decided to get out of my bed. At the door I saw my neighbor stood in the frame, looking worried. I finally opened the door to let her in.

–What's happening? I asked sleepily rubbing my eyes.

–Miss Weaver, is everything ok? She asked anxiously.

–Of course Mrs. Crimson. Why this question? I answered feeling upset and offended.

–Oh, my child, I heard you scream again.. She said timorously as she glanced around. –Everything’s fine. I can assure you. It's only dreams. There's nothing to make drama. I laughed nervously hiding the secrets that laid within.

–It’s your brother isn't it? Mrs. Crimson questioned as my facade faltered.  

–It is in fact. I agreed biting my lower lip.

–You should get some professional help.” She recommended in a softer tone.

–I'm not crazy. But thanks for the offer. I interrupting her, I denied that I needed help even though I showed clear signs of needing it. –I didn't say such thing my dear, I want to help you.. that’s all. She added.

–Very good, thank you for this late visit, I'm going back to sleep. Good night Mrs. Crimson. I said dryly slamming the door in her face.

 She wasn't even able to add a word and I went back to my room. I had been tough on her, yet she was right. It had been almost a year since Billy disappeared and I hadn't recovered. I thought about him daily, and even nightly! It had been 3 A.M. when I finally found peace and fell asleep.

   The next day I was going to work, as usual. I was working at a records store and it was great. Except certain bitches that, want it or not, were making me crazy. Really. I was really hating these girls. The records store was one of my favorite place in Indianapolis. This town I was born and raised in. I grew up with my brother Billy, my mother and my father like a perfect family. But we weren't always perfect. My parents used to fight back in the days, but our family was broken now. Maybe it was because of Billy or me. But after Billy disappearance, they separated. My dad left and my mom gone crazy and I left a while after and it had been 8 months since. I was living in the downtown close to everything in a kind apartment. Anyway. This place changed my mind sometimes. I could forget the painful memories that lingered in my mind.