Part 1 // Glum

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by loveisblind143

by loveisblind143

Sorry to disappoint //

I really don't know why I feel this way.

It's a crushing feeling whenever I see her beautiful pictures, the pictures that made you notice her. The way you don't notice me.

The funny thing is you know I feel this way, you've known how completely insecure and self conscious I feel when it comes to her, but still you can't help yourself because you know she's beautiful.

She's short, I'm tall.
She's been given the gift of femininity, mean while I haven't been blessed at all.
I don't pack on makeup to enhance my features because I see life as more important that just a simple facade.
I believe in knowledge, education, and succeeding for a better life,
But guys our age don't really value these things now do they?

Still, you told me it wasn't like that. That some men don't care about appearances. But it is evident you do.

And your opinion was all I cared about.

Your opinion shouldn't matter regardless. We are nothing but best friends whom have always been there for each other,

If that's really the case, then why am I crying?

Why do I keep rethinking our conversations, and seeing the lies flash across your eyes like a fog, disappearing at the blink of the eye?

I shouldn't have been foolish.
I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.
Because at the end of the day the only opinion I wanted was yours.
The opinion I only needed was yours.

But your opinion is blinded by her features.

Why does it matter being a horrible human being? When it still caught your attention, but not for the right reasons?

Its funny how it's the simplest things that irritate me, a like on a instagram post, a friend request on Facebook, I know I probably sound crazy,
But if you really felt the way you claimed you felt, you would show it.

Why do I have to fight for your attention, when all she has to do is take her top off and gather it completely?
She's done this various times.
Taking away the people I care about. But out of all the times she's done it, yours is what hurts the most.
Because I know what you think when you look at her.

Hell you don't even care of her personality, you just cared of what she looked like and that's what hurts the most.

Because despite me being the perfect friend, someone who listens to you and cares for you, you'll never notice me the way you noticed her or any other girl, Simply because I am not like that.
I will not flaunt my breasts on social media,
I will not do every humanly thing possible for people to look past my shitty personality and focus on something else that strays away the fact that my heart, body, and soul are not like the outside,
They are rotting, they are crawling with insecurity because all she ever knew how to do, was pretend.
pretend in order to not bring attention to the fact that she is not good at nothing but being beautiful.

So I am sorry to disappoint, dear friend.

I'm sorry I can't be like her.

I am sorry but I am not going to change. I am not going to flash everything I have in order to compete for your attention no matter how much it hurts me.

I'll keep looking at the way you look at other girls, looking at how they gather your attention in a manner of seconds, when the girl beside you sitting in that bed of grass; is the girl you've been yearning for, but are too blind to see.

12/18/17