You are the only one I Wanted. [The Wanted FanFic- JAYTHAN= BoyxBoy]

I'm not playing this game.

Jay's POV:

I woke up, and from the first few seconds of awareness I could tell I was hungover. I can vaguely remember last night, we went to a party at the girls who Nathan slept with's campsite. I just got carried away I guess, I seem to be doing that a lot recently- with that kiss. I kissed him, I finally full on kissed him, it wasn't full on... but I actually did it. I couldn't stop myself, I just needed to know what it feels like to kiss him, and let me tell you it was- different, amazing but different. But now facing Nathan is just, scary, the idea of it makes my heart race and my head pound even more. 

"Morning, I brought you some coffee and a bacon sarnie." Nathan calls pushing open the door, holding a tray with a mug and a plate of bacon samwhiches on. I sit up slightly and smile sheepishly at him.

"Cheers Nath." I mutter, taking the plate from him and sitting up properly. He smiles before his eyes glance down at my lips, I smile more. I take a sip of the coffee and sigh, glancing back up- Nathan is pacing. "What's up?" I ask.

He turns to face me and runs a hand through his hair, "I really think we should talk Jay, about everything, come clean. Because this is killing me." He looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath. "I know you were mad when I lied about having a girlfriend, it was just because I was so god damn confused. And then I had that threesome, and I realised I was only doing it to try to convince myself something." He stops and takes a deeper breath, not looking at me, but at the floor.

"Nath, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to." I say, trying to get him to look at me, "I'll always love you, even if you do something really lame and lie and stuff." I got up, putting the tray to the side and walking over him. 

"I want to, it's driving me crazy Jay, not being honest with you! It's just you'll hate me and I'll ruin everything." He finally caught my eyes and that was it, we were both hooked. "I think.... Jay." He sighs, "I think I am-"

"JAY IS HUNG OVER!" Tom screeched, pushing the door open. Nathan jumped beside me, turning on his heel and walked out of the door, pushing past Tom. I sighed, Tom looked at me with a curious face.

"Don't even go there." I mutter sitting back down on my bed and taking a bite of the sandwich. He was finally going to come clean to me, it all was ruined. Stupid Thomas. I could feel my whole body tighten with the stress of it all so I got up and headed for the shower, planning on letting every worry sink away with the water.

Today we are going swimming, to the best pool in all of France. We had to travel down south to Cap D'agde, to the Aqualand water park, but I didn't mind. We'd have a blast once there! The map of the park looked amazing, with so many different flumes and slides and a huge lazy river. There was no doubt that we would cause some chaos at the park! 

The car journey was long and tedious, for me- awkward. You know those moments when you know someone is looking at you, so you risk a glance up from your phone, to lock stares with the one person you really cannot face and you have a little face off, who will back down first? Yes it was me.

I kissed those lips, and heck, I've wanted to do it again and again and again. It's only been a few measly hours. I really don't know what to do? Smile, pretend it never happened? But in the long run that will just hurt both of us more, we will both fade out and I know for certain that without Nathan, I couldn't smile everyday. Which sounds stupid, but it's true, just having him by me makes my heart flutter and my hands go clammy. 

*****

We arrived and it was a rush of stripping off clothing and pulling on trunks before dive bombing into the cool waters. This place is awesome! We had slide races and went on these huge raft things, there were tonnes of girls in bikinis but the only person I couldn't keep my eyes off was Nathan. He faked a smile, and joined in with the jokes and banter but I could see right through him, he was still thinking about the kiss.

So was I.

And now, here we all are, sat around the fire having a laugh like old times. Like when we first got put together as a band and we had to get to know each other, yes there is history this time and inside jokes- but at least we are finally all getting along again. Everyone has forgiven Nathan, I think, and now the only thing that is stopping us from being the same as always is my feelings towards stupid Nathan. But I'm ignoring it for now, for everyone.  

He looks so hot right now, next to the fire... ha, I make myself laugh. But the orange is heating up one side of his face casting the other side in shadow, his eyelashes look so long, and the way he sits makes them look like they are dancing.  

I get to my feet, and head up the stairs to my bedroom. I need to think, I know I love him- I just need to know how to handle it. Nathan watched me as I left, and I caught a glimpse of something, it always makes me wonder- does he like me? But then I realise how stupid I am for thinking that- he had a threesome with two girls, why would he like me?! I'm a lanky geek, who he sees me as a best friend- nothing more. 

I collapse on my bed, this is killing me! And I haven't given a thought to Anna, but why should I? She forced me into this, I don't even know her! I rake my fingers through my curls, I should tell Nathan the truth about my 'girlfriend', I knew it would hurt him- I wanted to make him jealous, how low can I even get?!  I just want Nathan to be mine, but I had to go and plan and scheme instead of being a man and coming out with it, telling him everything. I don't deserve him. 

I'm going to go back, and brake up with Anna. Tell her that I'm not going to play a game anymore. Now the idea is stuck in my head, I'm doing it. I jumped off the bed and grabbed a rucksack, I would only need to pack a tiny bit because I'd be back within a couple of days. There was the tugging thought playing on the back of my mind that this could get me in trouble with management but it would be nothing if I came out gay. Gay, am I?!  I hate this, I hate not knowing what I feel, what I am. All I know is people shouldn't judge me, and if they do then they are wrong, not me. 

I'm not any different. I'm just Jay.