Sorry. This is not an update. But please, if you will, at least just read it. I would appreciate it...
So this is what it's like to lose someone you love? Someone you look up, and admire to?
I.... don't know what to say...
I can't believe he's... gone. Just like that.😭
Just yesterday I wad watching MVs of SHINee, and singing to their songs like a happy madman, but... Ugh... I don't know anymore.
Is it really true? That when you are very happy, the next will be very sad? I just... I'm so frustrated right now. Jonghyun... I feel like a jerk. I admired him, because he really loved music, and all that talent and effort put into their songs... I feel like a jerk for not noticing it right away, for being completely oblivious. I feel so sorry you had to feel that way, that you had too... Ugh, I can't even say it.
You did so well. You've done so much. You were such an inspiration. Youre songs, your effort, your whole existence itself, was a miracle and joy. I'm thankful that you got to live what you lived, that you managed to comr so far, despite your sufferings. I hope you were here to see that we love you.
I... I can't anymore... I feel more empty now.
I don't get how other people can shrug it off, and have the guts to say, "You shouldn't do that, it's bad. It's a sin. If you have a problem, face it."
It's hard, okay? You can't just expect people to snap out of it when you say so just because it's bad.
Sorry, okay? We're sorry if we were bad. I just hope you'll understand how much this all has been. If you're just going to underestimate our problems when we choose to open up to you, I... I don't know...
You probably are so shallow.
No offense. I never meant to offend anyone. I'm just so frustrated and heartbroken because of all this. My mind is drawing a complete blank.
I feel like a hypocrite. I'm saying how they can't understand when I didn't even understand and realize what Jonghyun went through...
I feel like a selfish, bratty hypocrite. I bet probably some of you reading this would agree, or say that I'm probably just doing this for attention. And it's fine. That's your opinion. I'm not gonna care, because I know for myself that all this is not for myself. Jonghyun was so... He was more than amazing because he reached his dreams while I can't even take my first crawl on my dream. I was so tearfully happy when I saw Jonghyun crying during SHINee's stages. He'd done so much. He worked so hard. He's gone through so, so much, but still, we can't change the outcomes that had happened.
I'm so sorry for him.
Jonghyun, I really hope you're at peace. I hope that you're happy where you are now. I hope you're always smiling. I hope that when you're watching, you'll see our love for you. You've done so well. SHAWOLs are proud of you for how much you've done. We appreciate the chance you got to be able to stay with us, because you definitely got to make the most of it.
Jonghyun, I'm sorry. We're sorry. If even just one person would've noticed your cry for help...
Jonghyun, I'm sorry if I am a hypocrite, and never even noticed the meaning behind your cry for help.
All I can do now, is wish for your happiness and peace.
We will miss you. We will really miss you.
Farther than the moon and back, We will always love you, from the deepest parts, from the bottom of hearts. We will never forget you and your achievements. You lived a very fruitful life.
Jonghyun, WE LOVE YOU.
R.I.P
Kim Jonghyun
April 8, 1990 - December 18, 2017
