When We're Us Again

Chapter Eleven

Min Yoongi

Everywhere Yoongi looks, all he could see is grey.

There was once a time when the world was filled with vibrant colours. A time when every person that passed by reminds him of a colour—and it would be different every time. He liked the idea of categorising people according to colours instead of personalities in his mind. It made everything ten times brighter, and as a child, Yoongi had a scrapbook filled with the people that reminds him of a certain colour. There was a section for each shade—pink, blue, red, yellow, orange. More often than not, his hyung will always find him scribbling something down with different coloured crayons using his chubby hands when he was five.

However, ever since Yoongi was 14 and had his heart broken for the first time, everything turned grey. Sure, his friends would say that he can find love within a different person—that the first would always hurt the most. But he was young. He barely understood the idea, so having your first love at that age was the worst. It broke everything in him. He thought love was a little bit lesser than just responsibilities, that it was a little more innocent and pure.

Because the day his first love came into his life—what he saw was rainbow. Shin Suran was rainbow. And when she broke the naive thoughts of a 14 year old, she sucked up all the colours left in Yoongi's life and left him with grey. When she left without a trace, everyone and everything he knew slowly faded and he'd thought he was going crazy. Because there was no section in his book where someone could be as dull as grey. Even out of all the pens (because he stopped using crayons when he was six) he bought, grey was left untouched.

It's a good thing all his friends stood by him after all these years. They stopped trying to change him, not because they gave up but because Yoongi made it clear that he's going to stay that way. Looking back at it, Yoongi thinks the way he called them out was a bit rude and dramatic so he was surprised his friends stayed loyal. He's grateful.

Yoongi sips on the iced americano—which he knows isn't allowed in the computer lab because of 'safety precautions'—before turning his attention back onto the computer screen. His fingers were typing fast as he chases the time that was running out. "Knew you'd be here." A familiar voice says, but he refuses to let himself be distracted.

Yoo Kihyun glances over his friend's shoulder, and rolls his eyes. "Yah, Yoongi. You literally had one whole month to finish the assignment and you decided to do it a day before the due date?" He clicks his tongue to tease the latter, "I'm disappointed, but not surprised."

"Shut up, Kihyun. I didn't realise a month passed by." Yoongi grumbles.

"Whatever," Kihyun concludes. "I was going to ask you to come for a party with Heechul-hyung. But you can continue that."

Yoongi brings one hand up to gesture for the other man to go away. "I don't do parties anyways. So, shoo."

"We know. We just want you to get laid since y'know...you never do."

"Go. Away." He says exasperatedly and stops typing altogether just to give the infamous Min Yoongi glare.

"Ooh, scary." Kihyun mocks before leaving the university's computer lab and off to wherever he wanted to go—Yoongi doesn't care. That's his problem.

Around 2.00AM, Min Yoongi's eyes were already getting droopy. It's a good thing he's fast at getting his work done since he only has one small—but very crucial—part of his assignment. Sure, he's sleepy but when is he not? Yoongi is always craving sleep. So he chooses to ignore that devil in his head, and hope to God the security won't catch him still inside the campus. Honestly, he could've just downloaded all the files into his cute, new thumbdrive and go to a 24/7 cybercafe but it would waste money and time. As a broke university student, Yoongi would very much like to avoid opening his empty wallet.

Ever since the thumbdrive was first introduced, people kept telling Yoongi that it was much better than a floppy disk. He refused to buy one because they were hard to find and a little expensive to his likings for such a small device, but Kihyun got frustrated at some point and bought him one while he was on a trip to Malaysia. That's probably one of the things he appreciated most about Kihyun—the latter seems to be the only one who hasn't given up on Yoongi's happiness, or whatever people called it.

Yoongi remembers it well—the day he snapped at all his friends to stop pestering him to move on from Suran. Everyone seemed to accept it and left him alone with his thoughts, but not Kihyun. Yoo Kihyun came back inside his room, and sat next to him. It was quiet for a while, until the other 14 year old started to speak. "Give me a chance. Won't you?"

"What are you talking about? Didn't I say I'm going to continue being this way?" Yoongi grumbled in annoyance.

Another silence. "Yoongi-ah, remember when I told you I like guys?"

"Yeah," Yoongi hums, and then panic rose in his throat, "Why? Did someone bully you for being gay?"

Kihyun simply shakes his head with a painful smile that Yoongi will never forget. He won't ever forget how the other boy's shoulders tensed. "It's just that...the boy I like. It's you."

"Oh."

"I know you just lost all hope in love after what happened with Suran, but I just want you to know—I haven't lost hope yet." Says Kihyun.

"What do you mean? What's your hope?"

"My hope is to love you," He sighs, "At least let me love you, and care for you. I don't expect an answer even ten or twenty years from now—I just want to make sure you're loved, if not happy."

It was a huge weight to bear, and Yoongi didn't know what to do. The thought of Kihyun willing enough to even think of loving someone as broken as himself made him feel guilty. But at the moment, all 15 year old Yoongi could think was 'ah, he'll get over me soon and he'll love someone else'. "If you really want to, then go ahead. Just make sure you don't get hurt."

Yoongi has been regretting those words for years now. Because even as six years have passed since that conversation, Kihyun was still right next to him. And Kihyun is always showering him with love and care even if it's the simplest of gestures. But he can't seem to give into them and return the feelings. It's not because of Yoongi's sexuality, but more on his ability to love. He doesn't want that anymore.

To this day, Min Yoongi only prays for Kihyun to stop being so nice and kind to his asshole nature. Because someone like him is not worth loving. At least, that was what Suran said in the letter she left for him.

A/N

Sorry to break your hearts in the future...but Yoongi's part of the story will involve major love-triangle with Kihyun and Jin ft. ex girlfriend Suran.
Do keep in mind this whole book will be based on unhappiness and different forms of hardships. If it triggers you, I suggest you don't continue.
It won't contain any grim scenes such as self-harming or rape, but I'm afraid if words I use will touch the wrong switches.

I've decided not to include Jin yet in this chapter, just to keep you anticipated. But I'm planning for Jin to come out on the next chapter. See how it goes. But I think you may have an idea on how they meet?

If you wish to continue reading, I hope you're still enjoying this!

Saz