Just my thoughts

I Might have saved you II

Some days ago, lying in my bed. Exactly half a year since we became together. I saw you were thinking of something.

  This evening was one of the best we've had so far and i was verry tired after a long wekend, and i was tired to that point that i would just lie in bed hugging you and just cry because of everything and nothing at the same time. I would cry just because I'm so happy and thankful to have you.   

"What is it? What are you thinking about?" I asked as I raised my head and looked you into your eyes.

"It's just so strange..." you said with a wrinkle in your forhead.

"What is strange?"

"One year ago I was sure i wouldn't live today..." you said.

At that point i felt how the tears started comming from my eyes again, probably the 10th time that evening. It just feels so incredibly special to be someones reason to still be alive, to by simply beint there not doing anything verry special keeping a human from comitting suicide.

then you continued:

"You know when pepole say stuff  like; I'd die for you, and so on...?" you asked.

"Yeah, I mean I've never said it myself personally but I totally know what you mean" i answered.

"I'd live for you" you said.

Then I started crying once again.

As i said 'm so scared that you some day won't take this anymore and decide to take your life. But I've also said you gave me a promise not to do it. You said You'll allways want to see me once more, and when you are with me alll of those problems disapear and when you leave and start felling bad again you want to see me once more before you die, which will continue on and on in a cirlcle that never ends, preventing you from dying. I'm not sure if this is really how it works but at least there is some truth in that that'll keep me a littele more calm and a little less worried.