Limit Reached

Complicated

Deku's POV

The next day, I really didn't want to socialize with anybody, not even my "boyfriend." I can't believe I would do that last night.
Just one cut was good enough before I snapped back to my senses and realized how selfish and stupid I was acting. Why would I cry over a dumb dare?
No, it wasn't that.
Was it Kacchan?
Yes, most likely.

Just being with him is so toxic, I admit. He really needs to mature before he gets into a relationship, crucially.

So that's why I came up with the solution to end things temporarily, once again.

"No way, are you fucking with me Deku?" yelled Kacchan, as I presented my boiling decision.
"Yes, yes! I'm only so serious! I know this is the second time, but I've realized how immature and toxic you are! You're doing nothing but bringing me down! How could I benefit and progress in a relationship like this?!"
I wasn't scared of him anymore. It's time he learned the harsh truth, and that everything can't go his way.

We stood in different corners in my room, reflecting utter silence.

"You..." He started, staring at me with wet eyes.
"You felt that way all this time? Trapped? Captive?"

What a dumbass. How could he not know how I felt all this time? Either that, or I know he's just trying to manipulate my brain so I could change my mind on breaking up, but not this time.

"I can't believe you, Katsuki. How dumbfounded can you get?"

Yelling at him never felt so good. I felt my confidence rising, and the ability to say whatever I want; my emotions, my needs, and my demands.

"Come back to me when you know how to act. Now get the fuck out my house!" I concluded, slamming the door right in front of his face.

I'm utterly surprised that he stood speechless the whole time I was yelling at him. Maybe he did realize his own errors, too.

"Am I secretly a sadist?" I laughed as I thought how terrible Bakugou must feel now. Being single has never felt so free.
But I know my happiness won't last long, since I've already started to miss him. But I know it's all for the best, as removing the toxic people out of your life makes you more free. I blocked him on all of my contacts and socials, so if he ever made a move on me, it would be in real life, making it more easier for me to reject him.

"It's just an endless cycle with him,"
I start talking to myself.
"Over and over again."
But maybe I did like when he yelled at me.
I did like when he pinned me to the wall.
I did like it when he was hot headed, acting without thinking over jealousy.
I did enjoy his sexual needs and desires, and made me feel so dirty, in a good way.
Do I like suffering?
Was it meant to be this way? I know being in a relationship with Katsuki would come with risks, but I never thought it would drive me to the point where I'm reflecting on suicide.

No matter what people say, I don't fucking care. He's for me. I know he's better than his current maturity, all I'm doing is trying to push him harder, so maybe one day when we actually know what we want, we can just go for it without regrets.
Being in love is so complicated, but only if you don't know what you want.

I'll always wait for Bakugou. As long as it takes.

I just hope I didn't tear apart his whole personality, all I want for him is to stop ejaculating his anger on me.

Still love you though, Bakubae.