Hidan x Reader (lemon)

Underground Friend

I was walking in the forest just minding my own business when, I heard a muffled voice. I followed the voice - hesitantly - as it grew louder and louder.
"What the heck is that!?
"Hey! Hey!" Yelled the covered voice.
I took out a kunai looking around me paranoid.
"Show yourself!" I demanded.
"I better not be going crazy again."
I heard it again. It sounded like it was coming from...
"Below me?"
I kneeled to the ground.
"...hello? Are you...in the ground?"
"Dumb bitch!!"
I jerked back shocked.
"What the-?"
"Get me out you dumb bitch!!"
I have no clue what compelled me to do this, but I got on my hands and knees and started digging until I started to see a face.
"Good girl now get me the fuck out of here. Lord Jashin is waiting for a sacrifice!"
"Sacrifice?"
I kept digging till his whole head was clear.
"Yes you dumb bitch!" He said like I was supposed to know who the heck that was.
I took a good look at his life. A lonely, dirty, little head, lost in the forest without a body. And I'm the dumb bitch? Yeah ok..
"Mhm ok so do you know where your body is?" I said nicely.
"It's around here somewhere! Dammit!"
A head without a brain. What will I find next? I grabbed his talking, cursing head and started looking around for it.
"I hope this doesn't take too long."
"Why are you helping me anyways? Don't you have some village or boyfriend, maybe a group of friends waiting on you?" He asked.
"Mmm well something like that, but I'd rather help you and here your story. How'd you get stuck in the mud." I chuckled at my clever pun.
"Oh hey! Found it!" I said pointing at a tree. His body was limply leaning against it and it was covered in cuts.
"Know any medical ninjutsu?"
"Mm nope sorry." I stuck my tongue out.
"For fucks sake! Take me to the Akatsuki hideout. I know someone who can help me."
"T-the Akatsuki?!" I dropped his head by accident.
"Ow! What the hell!!?" He shouted at me.
"I-I'm sorry! I just can't believe your apart of the Akatsuki! Can I join!!?" I asked with excitement.
"Can you what?!" He yelled shocked.
"Oh my goggles! This is going to be exciting!"
"No! No you can't join!" He retorted.
"Shhh." I flicked his nose and summoned my dragon.
"Take me to the hideout or I will bury you again. Only this time no one will hear you." The look in my eyes serious.
"You better watch who you threaten little girl! Now shut up and listen so we don't get lost."
I silently giggled to myself. This guy has no idea who I am. He will find out soon enough....
"Hey! Are you listening to me!?"
"Yes jeez!"