what you keep alive. [ darkiplier x reader ]

I.

"Dark!"

Let me tell you a bit about myself. I was never what you'd consider normal growing up. Sure, my family was about as normal as normal got, but I was never the poster child they wanted. They wanted me to grow up, graduate high school, get a great paying job and I'm sure, despite their protests, marry into money.

Dark's eyes seemed to widen, almost as if he couldn't believe his ears. Anti's orbs seemed to house just as much surprise as Dark's black pair, and I was left to continue sitting between the two men. My eyes were now clenched tightly shut as I leaned forward against my lap, my forehead mere inches from the cold hardwood floor as silence, apart from breathing, filled my living room.

My father was the first to voice his disapproval of me having dropped out my senior year because of the lack of drive I seemed to have for my schoolwork. All of my friends had up and left me, be it because they moved away, or had managed to graduate early, and deemed themselves far too good to hang out with someone that didn't show as much enthusiasm as they had for graduating.

Anti cleared his throat, and I couldn't tell if it was out of surprise, anger, or even both. All I knew, was I was now petrified to lift my gaze to examine either party involved. I feared seeing the manipulative perversion that could be building within the suited demon, or the bloodthirsty look within Anti's.

My mother had resorted to drinking to cope with me having dropped out of high school, and refused to so much as look me in the eyes after that. I could only assume it were due to her utter disappointment within me. I didn't have siblings, so I could further assume she was also ashamed she couldn't show me off to all her friends, like they did to her about their children. I felt like I was a failure to them. Mainly to my mother.

I heard footsteps approaching me, and felt a hand gently fall against my shoulder, carefully guiding me up to my feet as I glanced to look into the eyes of the manipulative bastard I had chosen. Our eyes locked, and I could see endless opportunities he would no doubt grant me, the endless places he could take me.

Eventually, my mother committed suicide, from depression of not having her amazing daughter end up as the visage she had dreamed up that she wanted me to be. I moved out shortly after her funeral and never looked back. I had cut all ties to my family, even having gone as far as wanting to change my full name if it meant keeping myself from them.

I glanced over in Anti's direction, who seemed almost hurt, and yet, infuriated at my decision. I felt my heart nearly drop as the hold Dark had held upon my shoulder fell, causing me to whimper from the missing touch.

By the age of 21, I had gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd, having dabbled in drugs, before eventually meeting my best friend, (b/f/n), who then forced me to come clean, and even helped me get a job at a local bar. Sure, it came with getting hit on a lot by drunk men, but the pay was great, as was the tips.

I struggled to avoid glancing in Anti's direction, attempting to avoid enticing him to try and bury that knife of his somewhere in me he felt was deserving of it. Dark and Anti seemed to lock eyes, almost as if mentally fighting over my choice. Dark seemed to fully comprehend the magnitude of what I had done, but I was left floating in the dark, completely unaware of the repercussions of my choices. Something I always had trouble with.

It wasn't until one fateful night after having closed up the bar, and almost ending up as a victim to a group of drunk, perverted men, did my life change, and let's just say, it was for the worst. Inserting themselves into my life like an unwanted dick, I had made Dark, and Anti's, acquaintance.

I glanced between the two men, slowly backing from them as I felt my back rest against the wall. I yawned to myself as their continuous stare off seemed to go on for ages. I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly closed it as I saw the two men tense up before me, and I was quite certain a brawl was about to ensue between the two of them.

My body was ravaged, non-consensually and "consensually" by both men, Anti through force, and Dark, through manipulation. And yet I secretly found myself enjoying the adulterous acts inflicted upon me, even furthering my own perversion in the shower, much to Anti's amusement, and Dark's lack of knowledge. Dark had comforted me after Anti had lashed out at me, having left marking against my neck, claiming that HE were the better choice of the two. And I had believed him.

How wrong I was.