Fred and Evanna knocked on the heavy oak door, there was a high pitched barking coming from inside and the sounds of hurried footsteps grew louder and louder until the door was opened revealing a short, chubby woman with her silky chestnut brown hair in a beehive. She was wearing the most ridiculous outfit; puffy red pants and a pink top with huge frills at the shoulders as big her head. She picked up the fluffy, white ball, which was her dog and said to it in a tone of voice one would adopt when speaking to a toddler "Don't be a naughty boy Frou-frou, no barking." She then turned to us and in a fruity unctuous voice and thick posh British accent said, "Hello darlings, I haven't seen you for ever so long Van-van and who's this strapping young lad I see with you." Evanna replied, embarrassed by her mother "You only saw me a week ago and this is my Boyfriend, Fred." Evanna's mother said, "Oh, was it only a week? It feels like so much longer and greetings Fred, my name is Tinkle-Berry."
Evanna's mother then beckoned them into the house which was even more peculiar than her attire, the hall way leading to the lounge room was carpeted in bubble wrap, the walls were furry lined with hands and had two eyes that followed them down the hall. The ceiling was low and was made of what appeared to be marshmallow and had numerous strange objects dangling from it, which Fred would on occasion bump into or get tangled in. Fred was used to the wizarding world but had never quite stumbled upon a spectacle such as this one. They then reached the lounge room which was a circular shaped room painted bright orange with purple polka dots, the couches were in the shape of animals and there was a fireplace, opposite to the duck-shaped couch, that was emitting an aroma vaguely reminiscent of fields of lavender, mixed with another unknown scent
Evanna's mother then rushed off to the kitchen and Fred and Evanna were left alone in the room together, Evanna whispered "I'm so sorry, now you see why I was so hesitant about coming here." Fred replied "No need to be sorry, you know I'll still love you no matter what." Evanna gave Fred a soft smile and he bent down to kiss her when Evanna's mother walked in and exclaimed theatrically "Oh what it is like to be young and in love." The couple blushed and Evanna's mother went on "I remember my first love, oh how gorgeous he was, with his lime green hair," she then stared off wistfully into the distance, "but the man I married was far more attractive and dashing, speaking of your father, he's coming home soon, would you two like to stay for luncheon?" Evanna looked hesitant, then Fred said, "We would love to."
At that moment a man walked in to the lounge room no taller than the coffee table, he wore a large yellow bow tie, a bright blue shirt with vertical red stripes, bright pink shorts and green suspenders. Behind him hopped a frog that was about half as big as he was, the frog was wearing a top hat and smoking a pipe that had huge plumes of red smoke puffing out of it. The frog said in a cultivated accent "Hello Chaps." Fred stood there as if he had been stupified and gasped "A talking frog." Evanna's father then exclaimed proudly "Yes, one of my best genetic modifications, I'm Professor Namkuk by the way but you can call me The Professor."
They then all sat around the dinner table, which was located in the kitchen. Tinkle-Berry placed a delicious stew she had prepared that tasted unlike anything Fred had ever tasted before, it melted in his mouth and the spices danced on his tongue delicately. Fred then asked, "This is delicious, what is it?" Tinkle-Berry replied cheerfully, "Oh, a little bit of this, a little of that, carrots, thyme, rosemary, lamb fillet and cow's testicles." Fred looked down with an odd expression on his face and said slowly and with a quizzical tone, "testicles?" Professor Namkuk said, "Yes, it increases testosterone levels," then he proceeded to nudge Fred, who blushed.
They heard a high-pitched barking and Tinkle-Berry exclaimed, "Frou-Frou, I'm coming darling." Tinkle-Berry raced off at the speed of light and returned with her dog. She then set a place on the floor with a beautiful dish and pink place mat, on the beautiful dish she served, what appeared to be a fancy pasta dish. Tinkle-Berry said adoringly, "There you go my little Frou-Frou darling" and kissed the dog on its white fluffy head.
After a minute of awkward silence filled with nothing but the clinking of cutlery The Frog spoke he asked, "Does anybody like pirates?" Fred said confused, "I have no idea, I've never met one." The Frog replied, "Well I don't think it would be wise, I've heard that if you're not careful they take your booty and stick it in their treasure chest." Fred grinned and said "I'll keep that in mind."
After another break The Professor said, "What are your thoughts of the chicken apocalypse?" Fred replied,” Pardon?" Tinkle-Berry said shocked, "Yes, the apocalypse, do you live under a rock my dear?" Fred had a puzzled expression on his face, which the professor saw and said "I'll explain it then, It all started off with the evil wizard who was here since the beginning of time, he created the chickens out of a cesspool of filth and evil demons. For many millions of years the chickens have been sedate, quietly plotting and establishing their empire. They will soon rise up though, after finishing building their spaceship and take us to the forbidden planet." Tinkle-Berry said grimly "Yes, it is a very dark tale, but hopefully there is a saviour out there to save us all from or impending doom." She looked at Evanna pleadingly.
Evanna stood up and exclaimed, "Why do you both have to be like this, why can you be normal sensible adults who are not living in a daydream? And you both wondered why I never had any friends, come on Fred, we're leaving." Evanna took Fred's hand and they both walked out the door, Evanna slamming it behind her.
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Evanna Rale - Serial Killer
FanfictionEvanna Rale is a 17 year old girl working as a celebrity cereal killer. she lives in district 9 and 3/4 and her best friend is clove. she has a family weirder then the weirdest thing you've ever seen and she kills people for a living yet there is so...