Evanna Rale - Serial Killer

Six - B.K

“Hello Poopsy Noodle darling” I was greeted by a shrill condescending tone on the other side of the phone.

“Hello mother” I greeted trying to talk like a normal person without making it blatantly obvious that even though nobody could hear my mother I was embarrassed by her tone.

“Oh sugar dumpling, I just heard you took a trip to hospital-doo-doo, because you got a bump on your noggy-woggy head, are ok my roasted sour marshmallow?” I flinched at the way my mother talked to me and even had to pull the phone away from my ear because she became too high pitched to bear.

“Yes, I’m fine mother” I said, but thinking the opposite, I was still quite shaken from the horrible nightmare, I mean just the fact that Paris Hilton was there could scare anyone into becoming a lump of potato hiding in their room.

“Well that’s good, Oooop! Somebody wants to talk to you, say hello to Frou-frou, Frou-frou say hello to you sissy poo, poo” my mother replied as the line went silent and I assumed my mother had literally put the phone to Frou-frou’s ear as if expecting him to talk.

“So diddly-pop, when are you bringing Freddy-doo-doo bac....” my mother began but I quickly interrupted her with a quick goodbye and hung up the phone, there was no way I would ever put Fred through the psychological struggle of talking to my parents if I could help it.

I had only got back from the hospital a couple of days ago and already I had been sent out on a hit, Clove thought I was becoming far to soft so I had to do this one by myself. The subject of my hit today was none other than Kim Kardashian and for this hit I had to dress up as one of her maids waiting on her hand and foot.

As I walked up to the front door I had to mentally prepare myself for the shallowness that was coming and as I the door flew open I was greeted by an oversized oompa loompa who had escaped from the chocolate factory.

“What do you think you’re doing?” said the nasally voice of Kimmy herself, “the staff go to the back door, I mean ewww if people saw my maids come to the front door, I mean what we will people think?!” after this comment I had to restrain myself from breaking her blatantly obvious nose job.

“But I suppose if this is your first day then I will let you off and only take $50 from your pay” at that moment my heart went out to the maids that actually did work for her I mean if I got in trouble for something as stupid as that then what happens to them?

From there I was quickly ushered inside the enormous white foyer that costed more than my apartment and directed towards the kitchen where I would be cooking the pampered princess’ food for the day.

It had only been a couple of hours when I took my chance to strike, Kim had said she wanted a “low fat and totally organic yummy yum”  salad for lunch and by now I was ready to tear her hair out and force her to eat it. Whilst preparing her salad I quickly put some rohypnol into the salad dressing and mixed it throughout her salad, smiling to myself as I did so.

A few minutes later I had served it up and made it look semi-decorative on a silver platter, with flowers and a glass of pink, sparkling mineral water and took it up to her room where she had decided she was eating today.

Before entering I knocked on the door which earned an obnoxious “enter”  in return. I set the plate up on the little table in the corner of Kim’s room, and I have to say it was a really nice room, it was like something out of a Parisian hotel and I was seriously considering stealing everything in her room and hiding it in my apartment.

As soon as she saw he food had been set out Kim came over, sat down and shooed me away before digging into her rohypnol laced salad. I walked away grinning to myself before opening the door and waiting on the other side of the door until she fell asleep. While I was waiting I started thinking, had I really gone soft? This would be the test if I could kill Kim, then that would prove once and for all that I was in fact the toughest bitch on the planet.

I was drawn from my thoughts by a crash from inside the room and as I opened the door I saw that Kim had fallen in her food and the silver tray flying onto the floor, I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that she had lettuce stuck all over her face. Oh revenge is sweet, bitch.

I walked swiftly over to her and punched her in the nose causing the cartilage to break and fly into her brain which would have most likely caused cerebral haemorrhaging but this wouldn’t kill her it would only turn her into a vegetable for the rest of her life which would probably be a bit smarter than she was now.

To kill her I pulled out a seringe of poison and stuck it into her arm it would take a minute to kick in but I would be well and truly gone by then. I quickly ran out of her bed room and down the hallway until I was out of the hill. Oh yeah the bitch is back! I thought to myself as I made my way back to the office to add another red cross to our lovely wall of posters.