Kagerou Project fanfics [TakaHaru-HiyoHibi mash up]

The Girl by the Swing

It was summer, so I would have remembered: A hazy encounter out of nowhere. 

It was a fair temperature with the sun out, walking along the side of the park; I saw you there seated on the swing: A girl all lonely on summer day. I came and ask you who you were and where you live. Looking up with those mournful eyes you said with matching sorrowful voice:

“I’m Hiyori, I live across the street. And you are?” Shy as you were, it seems, your voice was actually quite composed.

“Hibiya. You’re about 14 too, right? I have been around this neighborhood but I’ve never seen you before, did you just transfer?” I added politely.

And you nodded. I sat myself at the swing next to yours. Looking at you closely, you were dressed only pajamas even though it’s about passed mid-day by now. Those pajamas were so big on you, it made you look even skinnier and frailer than you really were. 

“What are you doing in pajamas at mid-day?” I curiously asked. You still have that expression as your head was bowed down, and still was when you answered me. 

“What about you? What were you doing wandering about?”  It was quite blunt, but a fair question. 

“Nothing much, just thinking about things.”  It made me realize what my goal was, walking in this weather, I ran out of the house where my parents were fighting again. A common scene in my opinion, they never really quite get along well. Makes one wonder how they even got me in the first place. 

“Would you mind going now? I want to be alone.” You said, still not looking up. 

“Well, I’m sorry, see you next time.” And as I turned my back, I felt that you made an even sorrowful face, like you were regretting what you just made me do. But I got up anyways and left. This, I wish, I hadn’t done. 

The next day, you were there too, I converse with you, the weather still a fair summer. Wearing another set of pajamas. In the morning sun light, you looked so pale. You told me you don’t study anymore in school, due to financial problems. After that we became friends: meeting always in that swing by the park, with your set of pajamas, always a different pair. It was already sunset when we agreed to go home.

Then the day finally came when saw you smiled. I never thought bringing my dog along would make you that laughing happily, so carefree.

“This is your dog?!”

You exclaimed and greeted us as we came over, about a week after we met, another summer with the breeze whipping around.  Your face about a mixture of curiosity, fright at the sight of a puppy but at the same time happy.  You looked so cute then. With your shining blue eyes, your long black hair swaying with the breeze, and you crouched on the ground having what seems to be a staring contest with the puppy, and it, too, made the same expression as you panting and trying to play with you, with its feeble cute bark. It was so funny looking at you two. And at that time, I fell in love with you. I don’t know how, when, but I know I did. 14 and in love, ridiculous, right? But I was. 

Autumn came, and an alternative chilly and hot weather came, back and forth. It was the same as usual. It’s been 2 months, and all you’ve ever wore were those pajamas. And I finally got the courage to ask you why. 

“Ouh this? It’s because the sun is out. I want to absorb all the heat it would bring, even if it’s roasting hot. I just want it to roast my skin, then I would never forget how it feels, when winter comes, or when the time comes that I grow cold with death, I won’t feel cold at all, because I absorbed a lot of the sun’s heat. I’m not being selfish, am I? Absorbing the sun’s heat and all, because it goes around the world everyday and shares it with everyone. It’s just that, I’m hoarding all my shares.*smirks* Funny right? Go ahead and laugh, I don’t mind. “

I didn't expect that kind of answer but, you sounded quite selfish, and sounded like a total kid, but I didn't find that funny at all, and that’s what I told you. You made a very relieved face then, and turned to smile at me. I really love those smile of your: so innocent and bright. 

Then winter came and you didn't come out anymore. I thought maybe because going outside would mean using more of the sun’s heat that you gathered all this time. And half-way through winter, I was walking as usual to the place where we always meet, it was still winter, I could tell from the whiteness of the place, and I saw you standing there in front of the swing, waiting for me, and you caught sight of me, you smiled.  Wearing a beige coat, and a brown scarf above a black turtleneck blouse over jeans, and some brown boots, you look weirdly ready for summer.

“It’s been awhile” I said. Approaching her, and stopped right in front of her. I never realized I was this tall, and she was that small:  just above my shoulder. Has it always been like this?

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” you said.

“I died.”

“How about we exchange farewells?” You smile that shy cute smile of yours, and then you just turned and walked away from me.

You continued, and everything just went blurry, you seemed to be falling apart, everything was becoming blurry, you were fading. The white falling snow turned red. This couldn’t be happening!! THAT’S A LIE!!!

And I woke up, I would never forget that dream that brought cold beads of tears mingling with sweat running down my face. I knew it was morning, looking at through the window, where the sun barely shows behind the thick clouds. I ran as quickly as I could to the park, your words ringing in my ears. Those kinds of words,

“I died”, such lonely phrases,

“How about we exchange farewells?” Please don’t say them.

Don’t leave me!!! I mentally screamed while running to the usual place where we meet.

Relief spread over me, because there you were, sitting at the usual swing, waiting for me in more decent layers of clothing fit for the cold winter, different from the dream, but still with the beige coat and brown boots. I approached you but all you had were cold eyes, stood and said. 

“Don’t talk to me anymore. I don’t need you anymore. Leave me alone.” And then you left. Cold. What happened? Hiyori?

I didn’t have the strength to follow you. Your words struck me so much, I was dumbstruck. I thought up all of the possibilities on why you would have told me that, but nothing seemed to fit. And in the end, I never really saw anymore of you. I heard you transferred to another place again due to your father’s occupation. But I now feel guilty. That I haven’t gone after you back then, that I haven’t told you how I really feel. That even after almost a whole year I haven’t even touched you, haven’t been able to at least give you a warm hug. It hurts. So much. The sadness, the loneliness, the pain, all came crushing back. 

Why’d you have to leave? 

Why’d you need to be so cold? 

Why? 

Winter didn’t pass that normally. I had my 15th birthday at New Year’s Eve. At the same time, I had more attacks than I ever did, and that made my parents argue more, and since my condition has  worsened, and Hiyori is now out of reach, I had nowhere to run to but my room, but even there, I could hear my parents argue. About how I was always outside all the time, that mom or dad didn’t even try to stop me, blaming the other again and again, how the doctor said that I wouldn’t recover if I don’t stay put at my house. That this will be my last winter, that this disease is killing me softly.

And the day came, I can feel it, earlier than expected, the first day of summer, heat finally penetrating through my window, onto my bed, heating me. I finally understood why you like the heat of the sun. As I closed my eyes for the final time, everything from last summer came flashing back to me, and since I haven’t told you yet, I might at least feel relieved if the first summer day would bear witness. “I love you, Hiyori.” I barely whispered.

*AUTHOR'S NOTE*

~Sorry for the lack of honorifics guys :(