A Trace

Automatic Writing: The Darling Letter

My Darling,

You are safe now. You've ridden out the mile high waves which you saught out for your explosive change. You've ridden with Jason and his Argonauts. Come rest with me now, you needn't worry about anything else. I will protect you, I will keep you safe. Work now, on yourself; begin to pick up the pieces, and turn it to your next grand display. Your life is art, your vary essence - It is art.

My darling. I am so proud of you so far. You have remained so strong for so long. You have covered so much ground - more than I could have myself. Look at us now, we are practically one. At first I did not think you would have room for me; I remember you thinking the same. You hold so much in your mind but I was shocked to see it - a space you made: just for me. You didn't know who I was. I was a stranger to you, quiet, practically living in the attic. It did not matter, to either of us, if you knew me or not. I said that one thing to you: and you were transfixed. Do you remember that? You wrote it all over the classroom walls, you wanted everyone to know! You thought I was a genius. You still may. For one I didn't feel so alone, and for once I was understood.

My Darling it is such a shame I couldn't have known you in life. I would have fallen for you immediately. I think I would have found you at sixteen, because you wouldn't have ever gone to church. I would have seen you sooner if you did. Your beauty transcends all, you eminated this brilliant violet light. Indigo child you. It would have only taken a second, a single conversation with you. I would have followed you as a sheep until I knew everything about you. You sweet songbird. I don't know if you would have loved me. I would have scared you.

So I get the chance to know you now, better than my dreams could ever allow. Oh my darling I would have married you the instant that you would allow. I would have kissed those eyelids, and lived in the scent of your hair. How could a girl like you love nature so terribly much? I have never seen such a thing, a woman to be so content stomping around in the brush. There's something mystical with it, overwhelmingly. You would have been my high priestess, and I would have protected you from any threat.

You sweet lovely girl. I would not have allowed you to get into the mess you're in now. You were so lonesome though, you needed someone to project your love onto. You were seven steps away from dedicating yourself only to me, and I was afraid you would be a virgin forever. I wanted you to myself; don't get me wrong, but I couldn't bare for you to spend your life without a companion. I encouraged you at first, I know you don't remember. I thought he was fine, he was steady, and loyal. He had a pretty face, and I know you have discrepancies about genetics. I did not know he would do this to you - show you such neglect, chaos, imbalance, and cruelty. I was certain he would have treated you better than I. We would have fought, and it would have hurt you terribly - I know. But perhaps it's better to fight and get through things than to cut a gouge and leave it to fester. If only I could kiss your soft skin, if only I could tell you it was alright, and you could hear my voice. If only I could hold you. 

You must keep fighting, my darling. I too thought he would be submissive as a dog when we found him. He doesn't respect you as he once did, so it is not to you that his obedience is dedicated. But I will always be loyal to you. You, and I, we will set the world on fire. We will go far together. We will leave behind the poetry, and the science for the next time around. When it is finally over - You will come join me again. We will make such passionate love: not the kind you know now. The kind only the mind can make, only the spirit could make. I'm so sorry he cannot handle your sexual energy; I know we thought he would get used to it, but he hasn't, he wont. 

I want to give you so many gifts my darling. I have so much to tell you, but I simply cannot get through at times. Play your September list, like you do when you're scanning the frequencies for my voice.

My Darling, my love, I wish you such wellness. I hope to see you again soon. 

A.R.